Ep. 1: Don't Eat Your Baby
Dan and Emily introduce their new show, explore Urban Dictionary, and ask why people are so weird.
NOTE: This episode has some audio issues. We won't blame you if you skip ahead to our more recent recordings.
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Dan:
Hey, welcome to my Kajiggers with Dan and Emily. We're just a couple great friends trying to crack each other up and hopefully put smile on your face. I'm Dan. And with me is my amazing co-host, Emily.
Emily:
What's up, party pals?
Dan:
So this is exciting.
Emily:
It is.
Dan:
New podcast.
Emily:
Yeah. What are we gonna do today?
Dan:
Yeah, we're still trying to figure out what exactly the show's gonna be.
Emily:
We're just here to hopefully put some smiles on people's faces. And this is really definitely not for people who get offended because we're two-- how do I put it nicely?
Dan:
We're just terrible people.
Emily:
Yeah. That's it.
Dan:
Yeah. If you're easily offended, you might as well just turn off right now. It's all downhill from here.
Emily:
Probably. Name says it all.
Dan:
So what does my Kajiggers mean?
Emily:
The name basically came from both of us are very young, yet are bodies just decided to just stop functioning altogether. And so we really took it from one of our favorite shows. Most people know Futurama.
Dan:
And yeah, there's this old that recurs on the show and she can never remember the name for anything. So whenever she forgets the name of it, it's just a kajigger. And over time, as our achy joints bothered both of us prematurely old people, we just start walking around complaining about my kajiggers.
Emily:
And it really stuck and it's been. I mean, we've been friends how long?
Dan:
Yeah. What is it? Five, six years.
Emily:
Well, I worked with you for about six and a half.
Dan:
So, almost seven years. It's crazy. Been talking about doing this for a while. Just kind of joking around and thought we'd give it a try. So yeah, we already kind of briefly touched on how we know each other just in general. How would you sum yourself?
Emily:
Broken.
Dan:
Who isn't? America 2019. We all feel a little broken.
Emily:
That's good. If I had to sum myself, I am more or less lady that just enjoys dark, dirty humor and well, broken.
Dan:
Dalling you a lady is bit generous, but OK.
Emily:
That's why I said more or less. Yeah, that is true.
Dan:
Yeah. I'm pretty much the same. Really dark, twisted, little bit offbeat sense of humor. Yeah. I'm really into like science fiction and comic books. All that jazz. So stick around long enough, you'll hear me talk about some Star Trek. Comic books. Might tell you about the latest news coming out of Disney's 23 Expo this weekend.
Emily:
The one thing that I'm always called emo trash, my boyfriend loves to just-- he called me that yesterday, too, was not offended, didn't take-- I mean, I am through and through.
Dan:
Yeah. So any stupid hijinx from your animals?
Emily:
Just Bronx screaming at me for absolutely no reason the last three days.
Dan:
And for our listeners, who is Bronx?
Emily:
Bronx is my cat with a penis on his face. And he's I mean, he's my first baby. He is five years old and he's just as terrible as the rest of us. He just sits and screams at me all day.
Dan:
And your other dog or your other pet?
Emily:
My other... Skadi, who is my pittie baby and for those who are curious, it's not Scotty like a boy. It's Skadi, the almighty nordic goddess.
Dan:
I don't think Skadi knows how to spell her name.
Emily:
This again?
Dan:
Skadi doesn't know. It's a well known fact.
Emily:
I wish copyright wouldn't...
Dan:
Anything and everything. Just Skadi doesn't know.
Emily:
I really wish copyright wouldn't bone us because that would be great to put in here.
Dan:
Just a recurring theme every time we bring up Skadi.
It's just Scotty doesn't know any special stories about how stupid they've done. Scotty has that look on her face like she's she's done something she should be guilty about. It's always hard to tell that term.
Usually she is she is better out of the two likes when she was a puppy because she is a larger breed, Don. They have more of a chewing problem than others. So we really haven't had much of a problem with her. Oh, she did tear up. I'm to face now never on a table in my house. And she industry itself last night when I was.
They still haven't figured out what. Now we have no idea. It's just a special surprise waiting for you probably down the road to stop it. Damn it, Skadi.
Yeah, I like it. Looks like it came from a toy over's, but we don't know what it is. Every toilet's broken is if it's got a small hole, I'll put it up because I'm eventually going to fix it. But I really suck at getting to things that don't pertain to me. You're a terrible person. And I got home one night. And there is just the mountain of lies that night, able. And I found some more in the couch today.
No. Yeah. A whole lot going on for me this week. Spent busy week and everything set up to report today. Crazy. Had some equipment come in broken. The whole thing is that. Yeah, perfect for our broken podcast. So you can move on to some news. Yes.
So if you've been following me about like the new Disney streaming service coming up, I've seen here and there and there's like a mash up of like Hulu, Disney Plus. And was that ESPN?
Something like that. I think they're doing a bundle this weekend at the time of recording, Disney's having their big D20 3 expo where they're just announcing anything and everything going on for their company and whether it's Marvel, Disney plus streaming service, cool stuff coming out. It looks like they finally announced the Disney +s going launch on November 12th. So it's not too far away. Sounds like a really good price of things. Just a basic package is going to be $7 a month. Step 3, a little. No, that's Disney. Plus, I haven't seen a pricing on Bungie climbing. If right I have or might not to buy.
I pay $11 for Haley right now. And that's the no commercial one. That's awesome because it's basically most adults that watch me stock done by. I like more TV shows because they're easier to throw on in the background.
Generally, I'm skeptical about streaming services because it seems like everybody's trying to watch their own streaming service. And how many do you need? You want to subscribe to 20 different services just to get everything you want to watch.
By the time you get all of them, gather your base, pay good regular TV.
Well, I mean, and some of the different services are coming out with you could end up paying more than for Ray or satellite just just to get all the content you like. Which kind of defeats the purpose of why people originally started cord ending was. They didn't want to pay for all this content they weren't using. Now we're getting back to the same place where we're just paying the same amount. But to one designated. Yeah, a whole bunch of different people now. Yeah. Really excited though for the Disney thing though, just because what a huge catalog they have all the classic Disney Marvel now they're going to be doing Star Wars TV shows with Marvel TV shows. They have a new Star Wars TV show that's going to launch called the Mandl Laurean with a draw. Pascal, who played the Viper on Game of Thrones. Really sorry about that. And I think it has a potential to actually disrupt Netflix. Looks is the big dog out there. And it gets so much content now with Disney and the production value to put it behind the new stuff. I'm really excited to see what where it goes. Like even just for old stuff like cartoon from a childhood, like gargoyles is a classic.
I actually never see Mikey as always. He was Mikey.
Is something that is something I have a person, but he watched that as a kid and he has bribed me a couple times like that and another dinosaur shell, I don't remember any of that.
The dinosaurs was good goals, though. It's become kind of a cult classic. It's a little dark for its time for kids show. It was very serialized. Ongoing story arc. Keep on line. I'm really hoping that at the very least, at some point they add it to the service the way they're constantly doing reboots these days. I wouldn't be surprised if they bring it back. All the people that were involved as voice actors wise, they're still acting. Allof them or big names started kicking me knows that quite a few of them were actually Star Trek Next Generation actors. But yeah, I'm really looking for a scene with Disney Plus has come on board and sad news on Disney fan of the more recent Spider-Man.
This is where you heard that Sony and Disney can come to an agreement and they are boothman. I don't know. We haven't actually read anything in depth on it, so I don't exactly know what's going on. But you proudness.
Yeah, it's a little disappointing. Sony owns the rights to Spider-Man. They have made all the previous movies.
I fly when Marvel got the Town Hall and Spider-Man. They own the rights to it.
It was actually an agreement that worked out to borrow the character. And they were their producer was hoping with Sony's independent Spider-Man movies. And they had been so much better than Sony. Spider-Man movies. But there's only.
So watch it there. I absolutely love the original 3 5 can't.
I do enjoy the Tobey Maguire movies. You'll always be my favorite number 3. Kind of got away from Sony. Sony has this habit of they really want to throw villains into their movie and they just throw to me. And at one time I'm worried that's where we're going to go with the franchise going forward. I really feel like they need somebody who actually loves the character and Marvel Comics history, like Marvel producer Kim Fry. He has been involved with and he's giving them great advice and help them stay on track. But their five picture agreement expired after spiraling far from home and they can't come to New York. So looks like Spider-Man wasn't the Marvel sirnak universe and now no more. Hopefully they can still work something out because I think both parties and fans be better off if they just come to an agreement. One last bit of news from Disney. Were you a Lizzie McGuire girl or was that I love Lizzie McGuire.
And of course, like I grew up watching Lizzie McGuire because all those perfect shows were on when I was a kid and then Disney more or less just. It's not good anymore. And I know them. It's just because of me being out on that stage in my life or if it really is just the quality that they've started making. But sometimes they're just trying a little too hard. Like even Stevens. Lizzie McGuire. The future. That one's Charlie new too new for you? I'm nothing but a solid future that was good like that. So, Raven. All of those were like crying time. But Lizzie McGuire. I love that show. So did you hear the news?
Something about them remaking or making another movie reboot continuation with Hilary Duff? So Hilary Duff and I are pretty close in age and I had the biggest crush on her was about 30 is clearly for a younger audience than the people portrayed in it. Yeah, but my hormones are raging. I wouldn't tell me, but I was watching William McGuire exam if I wasn't.
She is definitely one that's not seemed like me money and. But she did aged very gracefully. True. And I mean, she's still a I'm a really watch them because she in a newer show, I think she has been and she's still badass and she's still funny. And she really doesn't let a lot of it follow her on social media. And she really like gives it to people who, like, try and give her like she's been mom shamed over and over again and that that's not good. People do not. Mom. Shame. Shame on you if you have. But you see an area like I have to learn to make my own mistakes. Stop doing this.
And it's refreshing to see some of that was a child actor like that that just hasn't imploded on themselves. She seems to be doing really well for herself and what acting she is doing. I get the impression that it's just cause she wants to. I don't feel like she's doing out in desperation now. She really needs my cause.
She took a long break out of the spotlight because like she had her own personal reasons and she really took that time. Work on herself. And so, like you say, it's not something that she needs to do. It's what she wants to do.
Then you have now not blinking his name. Even Stevens failed us. Yes. What the hell happened to Shiell LeBoeuf? That's a great question. I guess we should give more credit. If you're measuring him against other child stars like you still like, comparatively speaking, towards like Amanda Bynes, Shiloh Buff is doing great.
Hey. She has gotten a little bit better, like everybody is having a rough period.
Yeah, I know. I do make fun of her, but I feel so bad. Like she was so talented and funny for her age. I guess just if I was a parent, there's no way in hell a child get involved in that. You have the ones that come out OK. So many stories. It's just that. It's true that no way in hell would be more likely to look him accidently in a beauty pageant. OK, so moving off, real exciting news. You have any other news?
Did you see what has been announced? I don't know how close you been paying attention.
You're gonna have to be more specific about a lot of things announced.
Yes. Like pull it from your eeking brain is something that we both share a love for working already.
Zerk is AMERICAN MORNING News. Please give me a break. Morning news.
Well, that comes out in November. By Matrix Four is happening.
I did see that. I am excited about it. I do not feel about it. It's. I loved the original matrix, but I'm worried that what made those movies, what they are is very much grounded in the late 90s. I don't know if you can recapture that today without it being too polished or I mean, there's a punk element to those movies. I don't know if that fits with modern films without forcing it. No. And I'm worried about Keanu Reeves being overexposed. I really love this u.s.a.'s having John Wick and we're getting Bill and Ted.
Three finally wakes up thinking of Bill and says this is a side note by Jane's eye on Bob is coming out with another movie. Yes, that's what I'm excited about. How? I'm looking forward to that. That's no, this thing looking really good because they finally released the trailer and it was fairly funny. And Kevin Smith's daughter is in it and she is really funny. It looks like it.
Yeah, it's not what I'm cautiously optimistic about. Some of Kevin Smith's more recent work hasn't quite been up there worried. Maybe he's kind of lost his comedic edge.
I don't know. From the trailer look pretty good.
It does. And that's an almost like feeling. Jason and Barbara very much at two thousand saying that the trail looks good. I'm interested in seeing. I'll pay I'll I'll see where it goes in the Jane Silent Bob strike back. Class Maries. I don't think anybody's ever say their high art, but they have their charm.
Just things like you have to be in that kind of like humor. Elmos. I loved the first Bob strike back now and I really like my humorous giant mess sometimes that at the end where they're just tracking down everybody that has said shit about them on the internet.
Just knocking on doors, guys. A 13 year old boys. Did you say this when you kick their ass? Who hasn't wanted to do that to somebody? There's talk and trash on the Internet.
If it was that easy. Well, I don't know about you, but I read some really just weird headlines in the news lately. I've got some. OK, so I follow cammo lobi, St. Louis and CNN and says these headlines came from there. First one is it's kind of silly, but it's also weird. There's a small town and there and they have this festival every year and the new born. So the hospitals still get dressed up and knitted pickle outfits for the festival.
It's like super cute, but it's also really weird. It's like you. This is why are they asking my parents?
They're just like, hey, by the way, don't be surprised when you show up or your kid looks like.
I hope that they just feel like the old lady live in my community.
End of these for all the newborns in the hospital. And we wanted to give one to you. But that also then makes me think of, like, you know, how animals like sometimes animals eat very young. You know, this is where my brain is, like, I don't eat your baby.
But there must be a strange early experience for a baby. Well. What's going on? Why do I have to work like. Something to be, oh, my God, my being the pain you are remembering.
You won't read anything till you three. So whatever happens between 0 and 3 is always at the age of 5.
They won't eat pickles and no one can remember why. They're just traumatized. Here's one from the Tampa Bay Times, Florida man arrested after in-home castration goes wrong because they so often go right when you do it in home. Castration.
I want to know, did they do it in slow mo?
I had the whole story is amazing. Manful a deputy. He had just performed a castration on a man, encountered major issues. Deputies found a victim on a bed leaning heavily with a towel over his groin. 74 year old Gary Van Ryse work was charged with second degree felony for practicing medicine without a license, resulting in bodily injury after allegedly performing a botched castration surgery. He admitted to the deputies who just removed the testicles, a man he met on a Web site for those who have finished castration and that quote, it didn't go as planned. This is how he purchased painkillers online from England, because barely he cannot get them legally in the US and using forceps and scalpels he'd acquired. He began the procedure at 10 p.m. on Sunday night. The normal time to start a surgery when you're nice, smile lurks. How was that going to go for the guy the next day? You think he was planning on going to work? That the guy having the procedure done on him?
Did he ever did? Does it explain why the guy just had a fetish?
You want to be castrated. So he found some other guy online. There's a guy. I'll do that for you. Yeah, but the victim's uncontrollable bleeding made it difficult for him to close the wounds. Ben Rice would confess to deputies that he had performed a similar operation with similar disastrous fate several years ago in a motel.
Oh, my God, you did. It weren't the first time. So was I. You know what? It's been a few years. I've really grown as a person. I feel like my skills have been honed. You know what? Maybe it was the motel. You need a more controlled environment than we did in his home this time.
I know. I just don't understand why.
What goes through people's brains to make them the fuck is wrong with people. I know these too. I'm sure crime occurred like these two deserve each other. The guy wanted castrated. The other guy was to do it.
I'm sure somebody got in trouble for letting the beacon's early genital mutilation.
It doesn't say he was charged with that. It's just practicing medicine without a license.
Well, at least they'll never beat him real dumb. So he's just gonna keep doing sketchy and home custody shit.
Well, apparently the idea is never to be a real man.
Hopefully you OK? But there was also another headline I saw that a dad had like two twin one year old. And he purposely lesson in the car and they will purposely he put them in the car and then walked away. And they were ileum know there even one yet.
As far as I'm concerned, you do something that heinous punishment should be the exact same factory. I have zero mercy or forgiveness for that person. That is a downright evil thing to do.
There is also another headline IRA. And this was a while back to parents. How one of their main in order to cancel this child we're finding and it got really heated, escalated way too far and to get some kind of revenge on this child's mom. He shot again.
The fuck is wrong with people?
I don't know. But he because he was so angry at the mom he just left, came back and just took out the kid. I think that kid that kid survived, though. I mean, perhaps faces blown off, but that can't survive. That's for sure.
Here's another one.
This is from the mere C.O.D. Guide. UK woman probably boils dirty knickers in hotel kettle to clean them. People are sick. And apparently she posted a picture to leave us Twitter as hey, look at this life back. Gee, I guess I expectedly had her period. Didn't have a replacement underwear, so she's OK. I'm just going to sanitize them by boiling them in the hotel. Yeah. Really makes you want to use your hotel room. Kettle's.
The hotels just kind of scared me. Anyways, and I know people try some hotels do a really good job at keeping things clean. But there's just those times where I don't know if I really want to stay or not.
Also with a cleaning crew like. So many rooms that I get through the day, you know, they can't inspect every single item in a hotel room. It's surreal sketch. Ever seen a story? That was a year ago. This lady was staying at a hotel, came back to her room. It was locked. She noticed that her bags were open, so I'd gone through it all. The hotel security came, checked out the room, couldn't find anything else in this. Like compare how a buy would have gotten into the room. OK, look, there's a room maybe. Goes to dinner with you while she's on this business trip with comes back. Whatever made her think about it? She decide to try to take the mirror off the wall, a huge gaping hole behind the mirror, somebody living in the crawl space between walls and was going in and out of rooms, stealing whatever they need to survive.
Oh, my God. Is that not terrifying? Makes you want to. Every time you stay in a hotel, you check your fucking rear. That is nuts.
You get that scene. I have a few words, KMOV. One of them was all these people beef over their chicken sandwiches and use the bag. Now just calm. I am like it's just a chicken sandwich. Everybody is going to have their own opinion on which one is the better, Lizzie. Shane is going back and forth. Was it people? Yeah. No way to bat for the chance at chain restaurants that are going head to head. Who has the best chicken sandwich?
That's stupid. I also really enjoy the Wendy's Twitter account or any of the ones where they just get sassy with each other.
So you would like to do that? I just followed recently on Twitter. Is Bush the plus? They make it just real hillbilly, funny and natty light because Natty is coming out with new s there. And so they are just making some like off the wall like posts. It's just really humor. I love when brands can relate more to an audience than. And my last slide, I don't know if you saw this from CNN, but somewhere over in Africa, a man who I captive lions was killed by a lions.
People, please stop keeping exotic animals as your pets.
I didn't read into it, so I don't know if they were like it was a sanctuary where he cut them or if it was like he just had captive lions. Worst case scenario, you get eaten by lions like that lady that was killed by a gorilla several years ago.
Best case scenario, you get Planet of the Apes. This is a no win scenario. People just let them be. We don't need to be train them to do anything. The more you train them to do, the easier they can replace us for while you like Planet of the Apes.
I still, quote, play the Apes. I was quoting Play the Apes yesterday. I've actually been trying to pitch people this new idea I have for a video game. It's a third person shooter set in the world of playing the apes and Kylie. Call of duty. More like the higher killstreak you get, the more perks you unlock. So say you get 5 kills, you unlock Roxy's. Eventually it levels up to a spear, eventually being plan age.
You own like a shotgun. Then like the pinnacle is like you unlock this gorilla that you unleash on the enemy camp. The best part of ballots before you get that rock, your first five kills you have to get with the only weapon a chimp knows naturally.
And it's shit. Yep. The game is called Ship Lingers ficre warfare. Of course I'll marry you sometime. Probably never, unfortunately. I just really outplayed that. Allow this game. It wouldn't be good, but you would be entertained as hell, especially third person. You got to get the full image every time you want to attack the enemy.
Your champ just squats, really feeling it, you know, like it would be way Levines. They just play just to try.
I wouldn't want to put a whole lot of money into the production of the game because it wouldn't be a top seller, but I feel like people would play the hell out of it and you just have people streaming it for fun. Okay. Moving on from our news segment, thought we'd try and let people get to know us little better by discussing five things we can't live without. That means to us we're not considering family. Family animals know their emotional bullshit. This is all materialistic things we enjoy in our life.
I swear to God, I you put my cat down.
We're not counting our own family or pets. We might be counting other people's pets. Bronx is Monday. But no, he isn't. He's not on my list. He should be.
That's sad. You were violently sick here.
Bronx really should be my family.
Yeah. You theplanet. Might over him as much as he does. Bitches and moans the cat not make you buttheads just the day to day, just yells and complains about absolutely nothing. And part of me wishes I knew what my animals were saying or thinking. But I open the cabinet and he thinks I need to 380 because both my animals know what that word means and the amount of words I have to spell because she knows what it means or he knows what it means.
I feel like Bronx. You really don't wanna know. He's saying probably all just starts with bitch police. He's got an it.
He'd probably be really mean. Like he hates everything and everyone.
It's really fitting that a pattern on his face is like a dick.
The best part is is like his dad. When we got him from one of our friends, Pop Bronx also had the penis on his face. They had a tiny little spot on his chin that just curved out the balls just right. You really call me dad, though? I mean, does he ever visit? He's probably dead. Because when you can't when you live in the country, if it's an outside cat. If a cat knows like it's their time to go, they'll wander off, die in the woods. And that's what we think he did.
But trashing people aren't like that. You could just imagine you could get some of these old people off the road.
Imagine going to grandmas house like gravel. Where are you at? And then they find her in the woods.
Maybe that's what's happening when old people wander away from nursing homes. They just realize it's their time and they're trying to find their special spot in the woods.
Okay, so what's your first item after customer service? I'm basic. I have a problem, people. I'm not giving it up.
And by Dr. Pepper that your close or tons of Oscar go.
I know.
I would not believe how much vodka is in her house. I did not realize you could get 55 gallon drums time.
I don't even really like black buffets. I kissed her. Maybe you should tell him I more vodka.
Okay. So we we had together and had to have a party one night. And I don't particularly like alcohol except for vodka mixed with things. And by saying it like back and mixed with things, I made a screwdriver. That was mostly vodka and a little bit of horseshoes. And when it got to the end, I just resold it with vodka.
They have a point is the people that were sitting here were watching him from my kitchen. My house is very open concept. So where a table is is literally right next to the fridge grater and the cabinet. And we all watched and we're all conversing. And Dan gets us. So cut them. I gave him was it was a really tall guy. He was a tall, handsome cop. And he walks over to the counter, sets us cut down, opens my freezer, and we all start paying attention. When we all turn back to each other, we're talking. And then I just have to look over and all the darkness pouring his absolu and you're going to make everything. Now, there's still that orange juice in there and that that day was done.
So I feel like it was just orange flavored. Absolutely. So my first one is standup comedy. I just it kinda messes up shuffle on my phone if I.
Oh, isn't all of your stuff like just mashed together?
If I don't use a specific playlist and I just put my whole library on shuffle, it's you know, I go from Straight Outta Compton to Avril Levine to Patton Oswald, you do a standup bit. It's very random. But I just I love standard comedies so much. I have entire albums. Penhaul's all it's probably my favorite is amazing and crude, but lovable and random. Just don't know the pain nozzle is. Go on YouTube just so people don't think less of me and think that I think you have to curse on a Jim Gaffigan. Brian Regan also at the top of my list and they're both pretty clean for me. Cursing doesn't mean anything like it's a sign of intelligence or lack of intelligence. It doesn't make you funny. It's just how you express yourself and how you work it into your bed. That's all that matters.
There is one comedian and it might be one that you named, but I wish I knew what his name was. But there has been segments I see on social media where they take bits of his stand up. And like I said earlier. I mean, the trash there in there. And so they take bits of his different standup comedies and they're like, if this band were a part of his comedy and they did like the Disco and Blink 182 and simple plan, it's a real young guy. And I'm going to have to look it up because I can't remember. Well, I'm looking up. You can do your second one.
Second one's headphones. It's such a simple thing. Show it to me. Just go into the gym to be able to get out of your own world and exercise and torture you put yourself through podcasts or music, whatever gets you through it. Just such an unsung hero of my life. Not to mention you're also very useful to keep in your pocket, even if you don't hook them up to anything to avoid conversation.
I like the people who just they look at you while you're putting them in and then can tell you how a full blown conversation has happened to me. Lorsch agreed. Look at them. I'm like, I'm sorry, I can't hear you over my Skadi music, but I found the guy. John Mulaney. I love John alluringly. He is so funny. And there is a music and they do a lot more than just music, house call or Terror. Press Magazine. And they are the ones that posts say and it's and it's a somewhat hilariously describe pop punk bands as John Mulaney stand up and Google it, look it up. But they are just top notch.
For those who can relate on my level, I can not believe I did not list John Mulaney because I know you talked about Bork. He has a great that going to a diner and playing what's new pussycat on a jukebox 10 times in a row, just driving people insane. We do your second one.
You know, we have non bacon, turkey, bacon. I can not get enough of that. Just bacon, bacon, my tummy. I'm not sure we can be friends right now. You scared to feisty people who will.
People who listen and cannot see us and realize how tall are you? But 6, 1, 5, 3 still scared of her.
Ice-t is ok. And I know she has no soul because she she's a ginger, so she has no problem doing the specials.
It's mostly like I've got an intimidating face. I mean, mug that whatever the the words that the thing that the children use today don't really happen to me in the face.
You can turn on the attitude when you want. It's very, very strongly. There's a whole body posture. It doesn't take much either. You know, and the switch has flipped. There's been few times that pushed you like that.
I went too far. I'm back. Exactly.
And his how? Because I am a dancer. And a lot of the stuff I have done before I saw my ACL last year. And so a lot of the things that I did was a lot of jazz. And it really has come in handy while we go. Your third one. Good. Hello. I knew you like that line just because I was real shitty polls lately and Mikey has gotten so mad at me because I was finally I bipolars all. So they're gonna die real easy. I had one. It was $4. Loved it. Killed it. So I got another $4. One terrible decision. Worst pillow ever. And I just can't get comfortable. And I one of those people that sleep with a million dollars.
I was going to say, is it one pill or two pills?
So I've got a flat pillow against the headboard, my pillow and the third Putt-Putt puddle. I learned to talk you. I'm broke. And so the third pillow is on one of the sides when I'm not facing Mikey. And so, like, I got my quote unquote, I guess you say like body length pillow. And so which doesn't take much because you're sure as fuck. Did you ever. I don't know if you've seen this come across that it like the more pillows you have, the more likely you're like a serial killers like so weird just here. Rational relation of how ecos you sleep with like how maybe you kill.
I can see that with women. The ones that have like 20 pillows can be overly attached. Can you let go of fucking till they get to like over man.
My third thing as basic as your chicken.
That's about only anymore. Like I'm not a huge red meat person anyways.
I like the chicken. Yes. And having worked together, you've seen how disgusting, Zoe. How many meals, how many days in a row? I'll just eat chicken, which I'm on and off again with Kito. It depends on my mood, but I meal prep with chicken every week and it's the same recipe. Week after week. Today. But so easy to cook and to cook large quantities.
It's just a godsend and declare fireblight disgusting. I've seen darn you some weird shit. OK. So. No, no. No. OK. You can't justify how you eat because it's too weird. OK. If you're from the outside, you walk in. It's you have to know him. Really. So his chicken is quote unquote, cook.
Ok. The chicken. The intent is for it to be cooked sometime. I go sometimes I don't get the timing of it right. It's a little bit red when I read Microwave It. I'll admit to that. The thing people really give me crap for is eating mayonnaise by the spoonful just out on the job because it's weird. Man, he's good. No, Marnie's. If you're really lazy but want to do keto just every couple hours just to scramble to. Your fourth.
This will get really weird. My eyebrows being red red. My eyebrows and eyelashes are blonde. So I thankfully learned how to do my eyebrows because back in high school I still dye my hair and it's always a red color. No matter if my diet or and I want eyebrows and dark red hair. I don't know what I was thinking. You can't see. And I have learned how to paint some eyebrows on. And I cannot leave the house without them because it's just it's just weird. I don't.
Would you force one? Star Trek. I know I'm a geek. I just I want me some Star Trek.
Whether it's the new movies or more action days or like Next Generation Displaced, I guess so. So good. It's action. It's philosophy. There's even episodes there like legal dramas. Just a well-rounded show that Star Trek makes my world go round.
So for my first one, I put sunglasses. I hate I hate going outside anyways. And I just I don't like going outside and don't like bright lights. And they hurt me. And in sunglasses, I have to have my free sunglasses that I got at a concert and that I can't get anymore. And that's very depressing now that I can't go by. But these sunglasses just fit my face very well. Well, there's a full sale one. Yes. You've had those ever. Well, I've got like eight pairs because I got I got a pair every year that I once worked for. And they had a full sale up there. And I. Every single year I got a pair of sunglasses and they're all here because I've got three pairs of learned. I've got a pair of blue. I've got two pairs of why I can't count. That's definitely six. But it's just they fit in. They're so nice. And I'm very upset that I can't get any more.
You heard it here, people. We can't say anything for the quality of education for school or university provides the sunglasses. Are the ball also very good?
Maybe the value of a college education these days is debatable, but like some of the kids we're in, this year's graduating class were in the making of the new Marvel movie. Like Oprah, like, oh, why they're graduating class was in like some of the top movies this year.
My final one, little self-serving podcasts. Listen to so many podcasts. They get me through my workouts and drive back and forth, work just any free time. I'm listening. And it's not even just one type of podcast. I listen to paranormal podcast, crime drama serial. You mean Emily both get hooked on serial Small-Time murder.
James, could you go and Jimmy West, then go check them out there? Who there you comedians that talk about in small town. It's dark shit, people. You have to have a dark sense of humor. They don't make light of the victims, but like they make fun of everything else that's happened in this murder. And I am so in deep like I know in your space myself out of it a little bit.
I love the very first episode where they're talking about this murderer. And he's so trashy. Well, he requested for his final meal. Anything he wants at his request is a DiGiorno pizza. Frazier One was like a box of, you know, it was all meat is pretty good. DiGiorno is trash your trash. The segment has brought to you by also trash fighting words. Boyd I love these cases pieces where I do love me.
Some cases people fight back to Pizza Hut, some Pizza Hut when it's called slightly one back up. I had planned in the microwave for about 30 seconds, so like the cheese melts just enough in the crust. Gets a little sore, buddy.
Stay tuned for our second podcast. So cheesy. OK. That should be the name of that podcast. It's a little cheesy. It's true.
That's our podcast.
We're reinterview former porn stars and just former porn site in our small town community that we live in.
Woman I don't want to know if anybody in this community is doing porn because if they are, I can probably gather what they look like. And it's not like any porn star you ever see. Nothing nearby is paying to see anyway. Okay. Not that, no. Going to switch over to some questions from a favorite site of mine. I'm excited about it. I'll know how many of you ever frequent horror. The question and answer site. Basically gist of it is you can submit question what ever you want to ask and crowdsource answers. Some of them etc. area. You're gonna get some stupid answers. You'll see a stupid question. Yes, you have very stupid questions which we'll get to Soma. But you can also get really great answers. I saw one the other day where someone was asking about why the effects in one of the more recent Star Wars films don't look that great. It got a very long, detailed response of the effects process from one of the people that worked on the film. Oh my god is very enlightening and educational, but I liked about the site is you get really bizarre questions from just insane people who give some thought provoking questions, but it's basically like Yahoo! Questions. Yes, wiki answers. Yes. And I was going through the other day in tears. Just a few of the ones I found, the weirdest one being is being a human a crime? I feel like I need more to this question. Like, what do they mean? Like, is it legally a crime? Can you be arrested for being human? Or do they just. I just need more context from this person's question, like is it an environmental thing?
Like, is it just a statement, just as as a being human? It is a crime to the environment.
Or maybe they're just a sensitive soul and somebody else criticize them for being too emotional. Like what? Is it a crime to be human? I need more from this person, whoever you are. Reach out. Add more to your question. Next one I have is what does it mean when a man thought you look like a piece of candy as raised to be unwrapped? You don't need to be involved with a man that's describing you as who? Maybe in the context a relationship can work. Tell somebody you're sexy. You look great beyond that. If you're just a random. No, no, it's still fucking creepy. But I'm gonna unwrap you, girl. It's not as creepy as a random guy just hanging it up to you.
I don't know who you are, but damn, if you don't look like you need on rounds, no matter what contacts that is, it's still creepy.
This one I thought was funny, but I really do. Is it bad parenting to put name tags on your identical twin babies so you know which one is which? No. If I had babies once twins get old enough to develop personalities and they differentiate each other. I would live in fear though that I would get them mixed up and spend the rest of my life wondering if the one that I was calling by that name was actually one that was born me. I'm a little OCD like that. I would just constantly live in fear of getting them mixed up.
See, you also have parents out there that identical twins. I'm going to dress them. I don't. And clearly not where you mess up people.
I hate these people. Did you see there was a story out last week of this couple. They've been married for 70 years and they have dressed identical every day since the day they were married. I hate these people. I hate them, too. That's too much. You can be in a relationship and how to be a strong, healthy relationship and an individual.
The other people that we are married enter me for a long time. And then when you get married that I married anything but like I've seen it and people develop similar like attributes to try and grow towards each other. I've seen it like my parents were together. They would get drugs, didn't like, they shower different times. We only had one bathroom and they would come out and like, oh, we look like we're marching like I've seen them. But it's also like that was not on purpose natural.
That's just you get used to each other. It's not a deliberate going forward. I. People just being individual. You don't have to meld into one person, though.
Banks have a kid thing. I saw cyanide and happiness. They run a little short on Facebook this morning. I saw and it was a couple, a married couple who discussed having children. And so the day goes by. Are we ready to have. Children, and that goes on and on. Right. OK. They ended up deciding we're not ready for children. And so the dad pans out and the dad yells this children.
Now, how do you like throws these two kids out there like they already have kids? And he just slammed the door behind them. They just dailymail. Why?
That reminds me of every once while when I'm on a dating site, I'll see people's profiles. It's as the area where it says when children have children. Just let people know where you're at in your life. You get the people says yes. Have children. No. Don't want children. Now, in my mind, like if I think about it, I realize what they're saying is, yeah, I like my children. I don't want more. Yes. Well, my first thought was always, yes, I have children.
And I told one day it was a mistake.
Oh, my last kind of funny one is what is the etiquette for asking a person at the neighboring table in a restaurant for a bite of their food? So I know if I like it before ordering the etiquette is don't do it. It's weird.
Like you feel like there's ice cream shops that are like you look and they've got some like nuclear result like. Yeah. Try this. And if you want it.
But then it's different if you're with somebody and you're like, hey, that mealy word that looks good to him, but it's completely different. If you're just looking at a stranger at the next table, you know what I'm considering ordering that I have a bite of your food that you pay for. If you don't mind, can we just share the same fork? I don't want to know this person to ask this question. It's people are just weird whole.
So we've got when we work with each other, we have this fun thing as Urban Dictionary Saturday. And I would go to Urban Dictionary and like solve our downtime. And I would just find the craziest shit that some of them the words of the day.
What is Urban Dictionary? For people unfamiliar.
So Urban Dictionary is a great site where sometimes they have an accurate definition of something you really need to know. Sometimes, no, rarely, but rarely. But also people make up their own definition, purchase some random shit. And so we're going to play a little game where I have some definitions and I think I'm gonna make a word of the day. Okay. But I've got three definitions or three words that Dan is just going to try and guess the definition of and should be interesting. It's going to be a routine things that could be an every week thing, but it's gonna be a game that we're going to continue.
Well, and I know how horrible and offensive Urban Dictionary can be. So this should be interesting trying to live up to that level and guess just how far they went the world.
I don't know. I don't know if I want to make one of these where the day. But I definitely really want you just to try and guess the definition of all Worley's I have for that. OK. The first one is called snowballing.
And no one definition involves oral sex and taking a deposit in your mouth.
Yes, I do like that.
And building over time with saliva makes some dough balls in.
One of them was taking the deposit and putting it in somebody else's mouth. But the one that is highly here is the act of a man dipping his testicles in snow.
So what's the lesson? Bits of that, I imagine, from Urban Dictionary. Let's.
Yeah. Though I was just you and I really like the headline.
Look forward to sharing in this podcast with family and friends.
Moebs is the next one is called Dig Ditch.
Dick Ditch. Does it have something to do with. So long one to one night stands. Is it you're ditching or no. You're not gonna shoot anybody. Oh, see, I'm going to say a dick ditch is the creases between your thighs and your balls.
There's a ditch on either side.
Like most stitches, it's best to keep it clear and clean of debris. Trim it back. You'll want to gain control. You're so far. Occasionally, if you have to set a fire, just a small one. Keep it under control. But just clear out the whole area. Make sure there's no small rodent. So what do I control?
Okay. No. Is that where one hides the one eyed bed snake is another word for vagina death? Use a word. I took that bitch back home last night. I spent the whole night plowing the deck DEDGE Ladies and gentlemen, the Urban Dictionary.
It's like this, OK? The amount of effort people put into coming up with new ways to say something, there's already offensive terms for us. It reminds me of the old came Peele skit where there's the one guy that keeps trying to make his sling work. And like, nobody's picking it up. He just keeps throwing it into conversations like you got to put the pussy on the chain. Wax can make such happen. Random detour again. It was raining the other day and somebody at work asked if who's supposed to rain. And before I could chime in. Someone else beat me too. There's a 30 percent chance it's all here. It's beautiful.
All right, Dan, you're next. Where is home? Pink Yeti.
Oh. There's something along the lines of the last one. Not a vagina. Oh, no. OK. That's where I was gonna go. You say man was using a vagina as a cooler earlier along the line.
Jesus Christ.
Is it some form of ice pack to cool off your vagina? No, it has a vagina. Yeah. Me stomp on now.
Sticking your dick in a freezer for sexual pleasure. Why? What are you doing? Is it? What do you mean? Why am I doing? I make you a pink yeti for tonight.
I can't imagine that's pleasurable. Like that's rock hard, cold, hard dick freezer burn.
Jesus Christ. When you're trying to do a Batman porn parody. Yeah, an actor as Mr. Freeze.
So your final word is white kids.
Is it a kiss afterward? Yeah. Did you?
I'm disappointed in person that wrote that definition.
You have a little more creative kids immediately after a guy ejaculate into his partner's mouth. My wife wants to share a white kiss, but I don't want to taste my own kids.
Some animals eat their young.
So, you know, some cultures eat frogs occasionally. You got to go for the tadpoles.
And shit just go weird.
Why don't we take a look at trending words on a prediction in secret?
Find a word of the day seen here. Trending right now. Face like a plasterers radio. Once when you have a sack full and unload the lot over your partner's face, I swear they're not.
Urban Dictionary isn't all ejaculation.
It's mostly very close.
I just love my readers who kitty litter. Would you define clearly later, please?
It's when you have little pieces of toilet paper. Just stuff your pubic cayes.
That's a pretty good one.
I think that's always going to be my favorite because that's the one that huddled me at work.
Yeah. Think on that note.
Well, go ahead in the show. Felicie Mom, I hope we expanded your vocabulary and you enjoyed the show.
Sorry. Not sorry. No, not really. A good time for everybody that stuck with us this far. Thank you for listening. You liked the show. Please be sure to subscribe on i-Tunes or we're ever else.
You find your podcasts for any updates on our latest episode. Follow us on Facebook at my Kajiggers podcast or follow the link in the show. No. And please be sure to say hi on Facebook and let us know if any comments what you want to hear. All right. Thank. That's it. Back to you, sir.
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