Ep. 19: How Do You Cook a Guinea Pig?
Dan & Emily welcome their first guest to the podcast as they discuss Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Other segments include WTF News, a new That's Tasty recipe, and a price guessing game called "What's Your Deal?"
Ep. 19: How Do You Cook a Guinea Pig? transcript powered by Sonix—the best automated transcription service in 2020. Easily convert your audio to text with Sonix.
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Emily:
Hey, guys, welcome back to My Kajiggers Podcast with Dan and Emily. Today, we have an amazingly special episode for you guys.Not only do we have one special guest, but we have two special guests today. Our first special guest is a new part of my family. We adopted a dog a week and a half ago. His name is Fenrir. And not only do we have fun as a part of our family, but we have a very special guest on the podcast today. Molly.
Molly:
Hello.
Dan:
Welcome, Molly. Thanks for coming. It was actually one of our goals for the year to have a guest on the podcast. I'm excited.
Emily:
Yeah. And then what better way than to have one of not only my best friends, but one of Dan's also really good friends.
Molly:
Yes.
Emily:
So Molly actually worked with both of us at our previous job. So we all became good friends.
Dan:
Yeah. We had fun working with Molly, especially when she was sleep deprived. She got really goofy.
Molly:
Yeah. Sometimes when I don't sleep enough, I don't even know how to explain it. It's fun though. It makes the job interesting.
Emily:
So like my special talent was puddling and then Molly's just Molly.
Dan:
I've never felt more like a parent than with a science project.
Molly:
Oh my gosh. That was amazing. Yeah. Dan helped me with a project that I did for a physics class and I was like, I even remember why I was there so much. But Dan basically helped me assemble the entire thing.
Dan:
Yeah. I went full-on dad. And just took over.
Emily:
That was the catapult wasn't it.
Molly:
You helped with the catapult and we actually got an A on it and it was like one of the best ones in the class. So.
Emily:
Good job parent Dan.
Molly:
Thank you very much. Work Dad.
Dan:
Sad thing is, I meant to make it a volcano. I'm just not good at it.
Molly:
No, nope. It was a catapult. It was good, though.
Dan:
You want to jump right into What the Fuck News for the week.
Emily:
Yes. So my first one of the week is Arizona National Monument, which is home to a Native American burial site, was set to be blown up for the border wall. How fucked up is that? I mean,.
Dan:
I think we're gonna fight over this.
Emily:
OK. To me. Well, one, it's sacred land. So the particular area that the wall is suppose people on is a national monument and it houses remains a very special species that are no longer here. And it was a burial site for Native Americans and they wanted to blow it up to make flat level ground, but like that's still like they were doing without consultation for like the Native Americans that own that because,.
Dan:
Well, they don't own it. It's public land.
Emily:
Well. I'm getting to that. It's carrying on this place called Monument Hill, which has the burial site of a tribe called Tohono O'odham. I'm sorry if I pronounce that wrong and they have reservation right next to it, which is private land. So they can't actually do anything to that area right there. But unfortunately, the place that houses the remains is supposedly supposed to be publicly land, which is absolutely unfortunate. And it sucks because that is where their people... and Native Americans have their own special rituals, which I highly respect. And so they want to destroy it. I think it's crap, but there's nothing I can do. I'm a little peon. So what what I do about it. But to me, I just think it's crap.
Molly:
Yeah, I think like something like we're talking about in school right now is like ethical, like sides of things. And so yeah, that's something that they want to do to like help with the immigration or whatever. But the fact that that is like a sacred area, even if it is public that is it right or is it wrong or is.
Emily:
Yeah.
Molly:
or is it not.
Emily:
The congressman in that area. His name is Raúl Grijalva. Sorry if I pronounce it wrong. Him and several other people have written like letters to Homeland Security to be like, hey, is there any way we can move, like not touch this land? Like, you know, just trying to make contact. But of course, nobody will answer. But that's just with this administration. So but another part of like the land is that it's part of a biosphere reserve. It aims to protect like samples of the world's ecosystem. And it was actually one of the first biosphere areas for this particular group. And so, like it was, you know, they want to preserve ecosystems. So, I don't know. I find all the wrong in it. But like I said, there's nothing I can do about it. What I know that you...
Molly:
Yeah. Why do you think this is...
Dan:
Okay, well it is public land. It's not indigenous people's land anymore. They have been doing some work to preserve some of that ecosystem in relocating stuff. But looking at other articles today, they've been relocating some of these giant cactuses and desert plants that are rare. Whatever.
Emily:
Good. I've been meaning to look up because this happened --What a week or so we ago?
Dan:
It's not like they're demolishing the whole hill. They're just trying to clear some space. And they call it a monument, but even the people that are upset about this when they describe it, it's not like a big work of art or anything. It's collections of intentionally piled rocks. And my best understanding is the ancient tradition was they just left a body there and eventually bone fragments just developed on the ground as they rotted.
Emily:
Yeah.
Dan:
Wasn't actually like burial.
Emily:
Yeah, but like this is where they laid their people to rest.
Dan:
I don't think there's anything of great value there. It would have been to me the more ethical thing to do would be give them a chance to relocate the remains.
Emily:
Yes, absolutely.
Dan:
But I don't think they would. They historically even you see with pipelines like they don't want to cooperate. They just protest.
Emily:
I think I think to me, though, not like human remains aside, but like species. If they haven't gotten through maybe discovering some of the species that were there, whether it plant or animal. I think like if they're still trying to, you know, excavate whatever is there...
Dan:
It's a 60 foot wide swath of land. How much is going to be there that the world absolutely can't do without? Well, I just to me, I don't see the point in getting super outraged about it. I'd say give them like two months to clear whatever they wanted out and then let them know it's happening. After that 2 months, we're not going to sit around and negotiate after that. But yet you got a couple months. Take whatever you want.
Molly:
Is that what they're doing, though? Are they like allowing them to have that?
Dan:
No.
Emily:
No, absolutely not. Not with this administration.
Molly:
Okay.
Dan:
They wouldn't take advantage of it anyway.
Molly:
Okay.
Emily:
They were going to go in full force, whether they agreed to it or not.
Dan:
From a completely legal perspective, I don't have an issue with it like it's public land.
Emily:
Yeah.
Dan:
It might actually be more beneficial to make a agreement to go through the tribal land. Like I don't know, that might be more flat to like build the wall, but I doubt they would make that concession either. I don't see a point in putting a lot of money into going way around it or not do. Yeah. That's all I really had to say. I mean, I told you we weren't going to agree on that.
Emily:
Yeah.
Dan:
So my first story-- I love this one. Headline: New Hampshire police chief stripped of duties, disrobed walks into storm. Police Chief Richard Lee from Croydon, New Hampshire was their sole police officer since 2000. In recent years, he's been clashing with their town board because they're trying to save money. They think "We could probably just dissolve our police department. We don't have that much crime. We'll just contract with a nearby town or the state police." Well, they already tried to get rid of him once. The town rallied around him. So they had another town board meeting and without warning him ahead of time, just voted to dissolve the police department and told him, you know, he was without a job. He needed to immediately turn in his cruiser and his uniform, badge, all of that. So he did. He just took it all off in the town hall.
Molly:
I don't think I recognized that's what was happening until you literally just said so.
Dan:
He was so mad. He just walked out wearing nothing but his briefs, some boots, a shirt and a hat into a snow storm intending to walk seven miles home, made it about a mile, declining offers of rides from other citizens until somebody basically called up his wife for like, "Hey, your husband done lost his mind."
Molly:
More power to you, I guess, for just like saying that this is what you want. Here you go.
Dan:
That's an epic level of pissed off when you strip down in a town hall meeting and just walk out into a snow storm. This is the stuff of legends.
Molly:
See, I'm picturing like this happening, like just like somebody doing this in a town meeting in then just walking around town or like going to the square. And they're like, this is what happened.
Emily:
I don't know. I wonder if they could have done something else feel like, oh, could you maybe we move you to like this town force or... But I mean, I can't believe I'm not I'm not surprised. Here we go with Emily not being able to conjure up sentences.
Dan:
Yeah. It's just like a town of eight hundred. And there's other nearby small towns. So it's not like there's any place else for him to go. Apparently and the board have just been going back and forth. So that's his way of telling them to fuck off.
Emily:
Good for him.
Dan:
I would love to see that.
Emily:
Yes.
Dan:
The fact that it was a snowstorm. Just love it. So what's your next one?
Emily:
I don't think you're ready for this, Molly. Florida city shuts down, part of park due to an annual snake orgy. Let me just read you the first sentence of this article.
Molly:
I don't even like the idea that it snakes. Like that just makes me like squeamish.
Emily:
So from CNN. Things got quite sssspicy near Lake Hollingsworth in Lakeland, Florida.
Dan:
It's actually written that way in the article.
Molly:
Ew.
Emily:
It is. Ssspicy. So, yes. So people began to report, like people that lived in this area began to report, like an abundance of like snakes moving down by the lake. And so like the local police department was like, okay, we'll, check it out and see, like what's going on. And it turns out Florida has native water snakes and they were coming in for mating season. So officials literally like taped off like a section of this park with caution tape to increase public awareness of the snake orgy, I don't know how many times they said orgy in this article. So but like the snakes aren't like aggressive or venomous. They're not aggressive unless, like, you like, provoke them like any snake and they'll go away after mating season. There is just so much fucked up in Florida with Florida, just Florida. It's just something wrong with Florida. Oh, speaking of Florida. Dan, let's hear your Florida story.
Dan:
Okay. Florida woman threatened with a gun by man she met on a sugar daddy web site.
Molly:
Oh, my gosh.People are so fucking stupid.
Dan:
And there's so much going on with this. So the girl was I think she's in her twenties. She was having trouble paying her rent. And she agreed to meet this 71 year old man that she met on NaplesEscorts.com. A friend of hers just dropped her off at his place.
Molly:
Oh, gosh.
Dan:
Yeah. Super safe.
Molly:
Quality friend right there. And he handed her four hundred dollars and then they went to his kitchen and ate. And then she just kept putting off doing anything else until he eventually got pissed off. Somehow they end up in his bedroom and he got mad enough that he pulled a gun and eventually knife and demanded his money back. Actually he was reasonable. He only demanded half as much back.
Emily:
Hey, if that guy is paying you.
Molly:
Yeah.
Emily:
You know that you're getting paid. Aw, come on, bitch.
Molly:
Do you know you're signing up there?
Dan:
Yeah, that's like... Obviously, she shouldn't have to.
Emily:
No, she shouldn't have to.
Molly:
Of course.
Dan:
But give them a refund?
Emily:
Why would you want go on to an escorts web site? Because that's generally what an escort is. You knew. Does she know how old he was at the beginning?
Dan:
Maybe, I don't know
Emily:
You knew that you're getting creepy, old man.
Dan:
If you're on an escort website you're getting a creepy man.
Emily:
If you're getting paid for a service. I think you're knowing what kind of service...
Molly:
Right.
Emily:
You're going to be giving.
Dan:
Yeah. This guy got arrested for assault or whatever, but he's saying she needs to be arrested for robbing them.
Molly:
He also handed her the money.
Emily:
Yeah.
Dan:
He went on to say that they had agreed on a price for services and then he just became angry when she refused to perform any of those services. So he admits that he grabbed a gun, demanded half the money back and his quote to the news that they had to bleep was "She touched everything in my house but my dick." It's a pretty great video of them, like interviewing him on his couch. And he's just so pissed off.
Emily:
I mean, I would be, too.
Molly:
Yeah.
Dan:
And this is so dangerous to like showing up to a stranger's house and the whole sugar daddy thing. It's weird. I know that there's people out there that have sugar daddy relationships, that nothing happens physically. But I feel like if you enter into that relationship with somebody you kind of know, that's where it probably going especially if it's an escort website.
Emily:
Yes.
Dan:
He should get his money back.
Emily:
He should!
Dan:
More than half he needs to get all of it back or at least a store credit.
Molly:
Store credit to what?
Dan:
Another escort.
Emily:
Vaginas are us.
Molly:
No.
Dan:
Services of equal or lesser value.
Emily:
So since we're on the topic of weird sugar daddies.
Molly:
Oh, gosh.
Emily:
And the way Dan had started this off, well, we about to do some tasty news?
Dan:
We are.
Emily:
Yes.
Dan:
This one comes from foodess.com.
Emily:
Are you ready for this?
Molly:
Not even close.
Dan:
We've got moist chocolate cake. Start with your ingredients. One and three quarter cups all purpose flour. Two cups granulated sugar. Three quarter cups unsweetened cocoa powder. One and a half teaspoons of baking soda. Three quarter teaspoon salt. Two large eggs. One cup buttermilk. Half a cup melted butter. One tablespoon vanilla extract and one cup of nice hot coffee. And you're going to want to get ready any frosting of your choice.Start by preheating your oven to three hundred and fifty degrees. Grease and flour two nine inch baking pans. Mix together flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, and salt. Add eggs, buttermilk, melted butter and vanilla extract.
Emily:
The butter,.
Molly:
Butter,.
Emily:
The butter part gets me.
Dan:
Beat it.
Emily:
(laughs)
Molly:
(laughs)
Dan:
Until it's so smooth.
Molly:
Gosh,.
Dan:
Stir in that hot coffee with a rubber spatula. You're batter will be very runny.
Emily:
Oh.
Molly:
Yuck.
Emily:
You should've seen her face.
Dan:
Pour the batter evenly between the two pans and bake on the middle rack for about thirty five minutes. It's ready when you can shove a toothpick deep in the moist center of that cake and have it come (pause) out clean.
Emily:
Way to pause on that one.
Molly:
I wish there was just a video of Emily's face.
Dan:
except for a few moist crumbs. Allowed t cool fifteen minutes. Then run a butter knife gently around the edges of the cake before removing. Allow to cool completely before coating that entire cake with your frosting.
Molly:
Vomit.
Dan:
Mmmm That's Tasty.
Emily:
Never look at food the same again.
Molly:
No. No.
Dan:
Did that live up to your expectations.
Emily:
When you said beat it.
Molly:
Butter and beat it. I don't know why. It's like the B syllable.
Emily:
Buttermil, butter, and
Molly:
Beat it. And the toothpick.
Emily:
The frosting with your frosting.
Dan:
Yeah. So just repeating it made Molly choke. This is probably our last one for a while, but decided to go ahead and do one just for Molly's benefit.
Molly:
Thank you. I needed that.
Dan:
So how bout we go directly into the main topic of today's show? So this week we're going to be talking about Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland from 2010.
Emily:
Yeah.
Dan:
This was Molly's selection. Why don't you tell us why you chose it?
Molly:
Emily lets me use her Disney Plus. So she was like, pick something off of that. And that was why... I didn't want to pick an animated show. And I had seen it before. And I knew that I liked it, but I wanted to rewatch it and just like really get into it in a more in-depth version of it because like, I'd watched it when I was younger. And so now that I'm older, I can like have a better understanding of it.
Emily:
Yeah, that movie's ten years this year.
Molly:
Yeah.
Emily:
I remember seeing the movie. I think I went and saw it in theaters. And then I remember because it came out the same soundtrack called Almost Alice.
Molly:
Yes.
Emily:
Which I own because I only bought it because one of my favorite bands is on there and that was the only song I listen to.
Dan:
Is it a fake band?
Emily:
All Time Low.
Dan:
That's not fake.
Emily:
Thank you.
Dan:
I have some of their music.
Emily:
Do you really?
Dan:
Yeah.
Emily:
Hmm.
Dan:
I couldn't tell you off the top my head the names of the songs, but yeah
Emily:
that one's called Dear Maria, Count Me In.
Dan:
No.
Emily:
Wow! Surprised.
Dan:
Why don't we start with Molly and you can give us some of your thoughts on the movie.
Molly:
All right. So like I said, I've seen it before and I just kind of wanted to, like, look into it more. And like one of the things that definitely like caught my attention, like right off the bat is that it's like the worlds are parallel to each other in a way that, like some of the characters, like from her real life are in Wonderland. And I don't think I realized that like before. And so it is definitely interesting for me to try and like match all those characters to each other this time versus just like sitting and watching the movie. And there it seems that entire movie is when is like going to the tea table with the Mad Hatter and the Hare. And that little mouse is there, too. I can't remember what her name is. But that hare cracks me up because I think that I'm him. Like he just says the most random shit and then throws things. Yes, that's me. I am. That's what I do. I do weird crap like that. And just I thought it was really funny and like how caring that the hatter is towards her, even though he's like considered mad or whatever, like the amount of kindness that he shows her like with kind of knowing her but not really knowing her is like intense I guess is a word for it.
Molly:
But I really liked the movie. I also really like the plot of it in general. And just at the end, like she comes back from like her dream and like her little getaway of all the craziness in life. And she decides that she doesn't need a man and that she wants to do her own thing and like follow in her father's footsteps. And like, I'm a very women empowerment, whatever you want to call that, of just you don't need a guy to be happy or you don't need a girl to be happy. You can totally do your own thing. And like, that movie kind of shows it. Like her father passed away and she, like, wanted to carry on in his footsteps even though she wasn't a man or her father's son. And then she goes on this voyage and that leads into the next movie. But I really like the message behind all that. So that's my little spiel on the movie, I guess.
Dan:
Yeah. Talking about her dad being dead. I found it really weird, like they never really said what happened to him. I kind of kept expecting that he had disappeared into Wonderland and would show up at some point.
Molly:
Yeah.
Dan:
The fact that it doesn't really left me confused.
Molly:
Yeah, I can't remember...
Emily:
It feels like he hasn't been gone a whole lot. Because you can see, like the mother, she's not dressing in black because that's what widows did in that time. They dressed in black for a while, but her head piece was still black. So, I mean, that just shows that she's a widow.
Molly:
Have you guys seen the second--Through the Looking Glass.
Emily:
No.
Molly:
OK. So there's more that's like in that that explains about her father.
Dan:
OK. Yeah. I want to come back to that.
Emily:
What it's like to return to wonderland or.
Molly:
Yeah. It's Through the Looking Glass.
Emily:
OK. Because I know that's what the book is called, but I thought it was something else.
Molly:
So that movie's not on Disney Plus yet, but it's going to be soon.
Emily:
I've heard like it had such bad reviews, but like.
Molly:
I like it.
Emily:
So I'm a huge Tim Burton buff anyways. And some people don't like this one. I really like this movie. Dan is differing.
Dan:
So I'd never seen it before. I'm really hit and miss on Tim Burton. I decided from the get go, I was going to watch it twice. The first time I was just gonna watch it for the experience, not take any notes. Then I watched it the first time. I'm like, fuck me. I've got to go back and watch this again and take notes. Although the second time I had to put on subtitles because there was a lot of stuff I didn't understand that the hatters said.
Molly:
Yes.
Dan:
And then it pissed me off because even the subtitles are like Gaelic or something like that?
Emily:
Yeah.
Molly:
Yes.
Emily:
I think that's really impressive, though.
Molly:
Yes, it is.
Dan:
I mean, I like Johnny Depp.
Molly:
I do.
Emily:
What did you call him?
Dan:
I sent her a text the other day. I'm like, I'm not really impressed with Johnny Depp's performance as Sweeney Wonka.
Emily:
See, because I though more like Captain Jack Sparrow because he had been doing all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, which kind of like helped him, especially while doing the English accent in this movie. And then I had the Gaelic that he did some the Scottish accent that he had, I thought was really impressive. But I'm also a stupid American, so I don't really good or not. Yeah, but from my watching standpoint, I thought it was switching and like the switching characters he can do.
Molly:
Yes.
Emily:
I like this one. Have you guys seen the actual cartoon?
Molly:
Yes, I have.
Dan:
A long time ago.
Emily:
I like this one. I love the original cartoon, but I like this one a little bit more coming from the reality world. It shows an uglier side of... to a wonderland. Everybody thinks that Wonderland is like this colorful. I wouldn't say happy, but like it's a little bit more cheery in the cartoon than it is in this one. So it shows how overcoming like the doom and gloom to make it wonderland.
Dan:
Well, and they kind of set this up as a sequel to the original or any other version of Wonderland. She's been there as a child and now she's an adult going back.
Emily:
You know, when I watch this again, I forgot about like the flashbacks that she finally started having and showing her as a child in Wonderland.
Molly:
That was also something that I thought was really interesting, like the fact that every time she goes back, she doesn't remember.
Dan:
Yeah.
Molly:
Which is an I don't know like how I feel or think about that. It's interesting concept.
Emily:
It's almost dream state.
Molly:
Yes, it is Wonderland. It's her getaway from reality.
Emily:
Mm hmm.
Dan:
When I was a kid, NBC was doing this series of like big production two part/ two night movies with huge casts of just adapting classics like The Odyssey and others. And Alice in Wonderland was one of them. That was really good. It was it was live action and they had all sorts of stars in it. To me, that's my Alice in Wonderland. And I was kind of like comparing.
Emily:
I wonder if we can find that.
Dan:
Maybe I wouldn't be surprised if it's maybe on like Hulu or Amazon, maybe. It was pretty good. I know the Odyssey one still pops up on the SyFy Channel from time to time.
Molly:
That's cool. I like to reading that in school. I thought that was an interesting story.
Emily:
See, we didn't have to. I didn't have to eat in high school. I didn't read until I got to college.
Molly:
Really?
Dan:
My knowledge of the Odyssey is somewhat based on my memory of this NBC movie, but more based on Wishbone. So much of my knowledge of literary classics is based out of Wishbone.
Emily:
I actually never watched Wishbone.
Dan:
Hashtag Bring Back Wishbone.
Emily:
I know a lot of people though wanting it to come back.
Dan:
I want Wishbone back. But to adapt adult books like The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.
Emily:
Oh. That'd be cool.Yeah, but I just want to talk about those human face stones that were in the pond.
Dan:
Oh, yeah.
Molly:
Terrifying.
Emily:
I forgot about those that she was jumping on faces in. Like I was sitting here rewatching it again this morning and I was scribbling some more notes and I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention. And I looked up and I go, well, fuck, those are faces.
Dan:
Were those supposed to be stone or see, I just interpret it as she's having so many people's heads chopped off. That they're just chucking them in the moat.
Emily:
Maybe.
Molly:
That's what I interpreted it as.
Emily:
I don't know, because since they were gray, I just my brain was like, oh, they're just stone. Yeah, but maybe that's what it is. But that was fucking creepy.
Emily:
I forgot Anne Hathaway was in this movie.
Dan:
For those who haven't seen the movie. In this movie, Anne Hathaway plays the good white queen that's the sister of the Evil Red Queen. I do not trust her character in this movie. There's just something about her. She's a little off. She walks around with her hands are constantly above her shoulder. And like this dainty pose is like every move she makes is a dance.
Emily:
Well, it's only when she's in the presence of her people, because when she was seeing the dog. When the dog came through.
Molly:
The hound?
Emily:
Mm hmm.
Molly:
Yes.
Emily:
She was looking around and then she dropped her arms and she ran to him. So it's like she's having to hold up this higher standard.
Molly:
Yes.
Dan:
So part of this movie is Alice is prophesied to pick up this magical sword and defeat this giant monster that the Red Queen is going to unleash.
Emily:
Jabberwocky.
Dan:
Or as a red queen says, her jabber-baby-wocky.
Emily:
Ok. I love Helena Bonham Carter. And I think she did really good in this movie.
Dan:
See, I am sad, even though I'm not huge. Tim Burton fan. I'm sad that her and Tim Burton got divorced, mainly because I'm concerned about who got custody of Johnny Depp. But, you know, there's this prophecy in the movie and the whole movie Alice is resisting. "I'm not a warrior. I can't slay this beast." And when she finally makes her decision and it's time to make that decision, Anne Hathaway tells her, you can't be doing things for everybody else. You got to do what you want. But she says it to her right as there's an entire crowd gathered waiting for her to come out and say, yeah, I'll slay the Jabberwocky. I feel like she really just manipulated her into fighting it.
Emily:
But also, I think it enlightened her to take charge of her own destiny when she got back to her homeland.
Molly:
Yes.
Emily:
The girl that plays Alice is a dainty woman. And what?
Dan:
I thought she just wasn't a great actress. It was very flat.
Molly:
I did feel like that with her facial expressions.
Emily:
I think that's just how she is in general. And I know that's how she is in some of her other movies. But like, she's a small blonde girl, basically. And when she puts on a suit of armor, I think she becomes a kind of a bad ass. And then she fights this monster and she doesn't know she's doing. And they're like, well the sword will do it for you. Well, you still have to wield the sword. But I like when she jumps onto the Jabberwocky's neck and it flips her up and she just has that moment of hang time as she goes "Off with your head!" And just woosh.
Dan:
It was a good moment. I like right before that final battle. And all the sides are lining up. There's a shot that looks like a giant chessboard.
Emily:
Yes. All of the white queen's pieces are chess pieces.
Dan:
Ok, so the two armies-- I've gone back and forth, are those... On each side, are those actually supposed to be people in weird armor or those creatures or something like enchanted whatever.
Emily:
They might be enchanted whatever because.
Molly:
They look kind of like cards to me.
Dan:
Well, the card ones, the proportions are weird. They have really thin arms but the armor comes down, almost dress-like. Like they're wearing...
Emily:
I think they're creatures.
Dan:
OK.
Emily:
Because when you go back to when they stole the sword, the one guy that is the queen's right hand man takes it and slashes the knight that is the holder of it. And he just burst into fragments. So I think they're actual creatures. Oh, I like that characters have names rather than like like the worm had a name. Yeah, absolute. And the White Queen and the Red Queen have their own names rather than just being called the Red Queen or whatever. I liked that. And the mouse had a name. But I can't remember her name.
Dan:
I didn't bother learning any of them I'm just like, okay, that's the matter.
Molly:
It starts with an M, I think.
Dan:
Mallymkun or something like that.
Molly:
Yeah.
Emily:
Yes. And it wasn't Wonderland because Absolut goes, you silly girl. You even called it Wonderland.
Molly:
Yeah, it has like a name.
Emily:
And it adds a more like personal level to it all than just this fairy tale. The White Queen's Castle was in one area and the Red Queen's Castle had its own area name. And I thought it was kind of neat.
Dan:
The white queen-- going back to how I don't like her. And I suspect bad intentions from her. Technically, she's a usurper. It's laid out that the Red Queen is the older sister and should inherit the crown. Somehow the White Queen ended up with the crown to begin with, because we see in the Mad Hatter's flashback that it gets taken from her and the Red Queen even makes a remark about how she, I guess, manipulated their parents and used her charms on them.
Emily:
Yeah
Dan:
I think that guy goes to like why I don't trust her with Alice. And I wouldn't be surprised if in the sequel or not in the sequel, it turns out like she's just as bad a ruler as the Red Queen that. I don't know.
Emily:
No. I know what you're saying, though, because she does seem a little shady at times.
Dan:
Yeah.
Molly:
Like it's too good to be true of like how high and mighty she's acting.
Dan:
And several times she talks about she's made a vow to not hurt a living creature. And at the end, instead of killing her sister after winning the battle or her sister's right hand man, she banishes them into a life of exile where nobody is to ever talk to her sister. And the knave would rather die than be handcuffed to her sister and has already tried to kill her. So he's probably gonna kill her in her sleep anyway. Like that's kind of shady. You're not gonna hurt anybody, but you can do this to them. Also, you just led an entire army into the battle. I don't know what you thought was going to happen there.
Emily:
I like when her court, they were starting to lose their pieces of their...
Dan:
Oh yeah.
Emily:
...growths. And it just I like that it shows like the upcoming fall.
Dan:
For the people that don't know what we're talking about. All of the red queens court and lackies-- They're all just like sucking up to her all the time and they all have these horrible deformities. But turns out they're all prosthetics that they're wearing so that they can fit in with the queen and her giant head.
Emily:
Which she has no problem with like her own head. She is very like into her big head. And so talking about like how cartoony some of the things are. I think I like how it's like cartoony in the right places. Going back to the dream state feel and it shows like everything's not so human. I like the cartoony aspect to it.
Dan:
I went back and forth on that because sometimes I couldn't tell if it was just bad computer graphics or if it was intentionally a little cartoony.
Emily:
I think it was intentional.
Dan:
There is a one point there was like an establishing shot of the Red Queen's Castle and it could have easily been Farquaad's castle from Shrek. Like it was that cartoony. That's kind of cool.
Emily:
My only other one note that I wrote before just like just watching that movie is... So, in the beginning. Bandersnatch scratches Alice on the arm. And so she walks around with this wound on her arm for a while. Well when she goes to get the sword and give him his eye back, he liked it. And so I sat there. I was like, I wish my dogs could look me and make up my wounds and problems go away.
Dan:
The do lick.
Molly:
They do lick.
Emily:
They lick a lot, but they don't make my. They just make things worse rather than make my problems go away.
Molly:
I thought it's interesting that like that was something that had happened, like the Bandersnatch was like showing her like, "Thank you for returning my eye." Obviously, because, you know, the mouse poked it out. But did you notice that when she went back home, she still had the scar on her arm? I think that's interesting to like.
Dan:
It shows that she wasn't dreaming.
Molly:
Yeah. Like I think everyone else is like, oh, yeah, she was just like she did just fall down a hole. She just hit her head. But it was real. Like there was a part of it that obviously had a physical element to it.
Emily:
But she went five days in Wonderland where it was only like a matter of minutes.
Molly:
Which is crazy. I don't know. I thought that was pretty cool.
Dan:
I worked hard to find some stuff that I did enjoy about this movie, even though it was one of Tim Burton's lesser movies for me. There was... it was so Tim Burton. It's gloomy. At one point I texted Emily, "Does Tim Burton not know the sun exists?"
Emily:
To which I replied, "What's that?"
Dan:
At times I kind of would have liked it to be a little more cartoony and zany, because, like, the whole thing about Wonderland classically is it's just nonsense.
Molly:
Yeah. It's bonkers.
Emily:
What did you think of the Mad Hatter's dance at the end?
Dan:
It wasn't impressive. It was so computer generated that.
Emily:
They hype it up saying like, oh, he's so good at it. Like it could have been a little bit more over the top, considering it is the Mad Hatter and how hatter is over the top.
Dan:
The Hatter. He didn't seem all that mad, really, like it was just broken up and destroyed by his tragic history.
Emily:
Where like in the cartoon...
Dan:
I wasn't quite sure like why they built him into this bigger hero and stuff. And at one point in the movie he's about to be executed with the dormouse. They're gonna be beheaded. He escapes, gives a speech to all the people in the castle and it's like a rallying cry and they're going to revolt against the queen. It's not that impressive of a speech and you can't understand half of them anyway because of his thick Scottish accent. So that part fell flat for me. That scene, though, with the execution I was kind of hoping would be even more crazy and zany. I wanted... because the Red Queen has all these people she's having beheaded all the time, creatures and people of all different sizes. I wanted the executioner to have a selection of axes and for him to like take a normal sized one out to get ready to behead the Mad Hatter, but then find like a small mouse scale axe for beheading the Dormouse because I think they would have made sense in wonderland of like
Molly:
Oh, we have one for everybody.
Dan:
Why wouldn't you have a specialized axe for everything?
Emily:
I wonder if you could just take it in just like shape it.
Dan:
I was just picturing like this executioner holding an axe the size of a toothpick. And just *dink*.
Emily:
Yeah, I like the Cheshire Cat in this movie. I liked him. So like the cartoon, he just kind of fades in and out. Where I like in this movie, you can see him like *poof* I like.
Molly:
He kind of creeped me out in the cartoon version.
Dan:
He's always been a little creepy to me.
Molly:
Yes. I feel like in this one he seemed more friendly of just like I'm here to actually like help you and guide you and versus the other one. I don't I don't know if it's because it was animated or what.
Emily:
Well, remember, we were just talking about like what if it's in a timeline with the cartoon, right. What if it has something to do with that timeline? It'd be cool.
Dan:
Yeah, I was disappointed with the Vorpal sword that they make a big deal about. I feel like if you're gonna make.. be talking about a weapon, an entire movie, and then finally reveal it. It should be a really cool weapon.
Emily:
It lacked a little bit.
Dan:
I like when the knave is trying to track Alice down to the Tea Party. He actually kind of participated in the Tea Party, pours himself some tea and starts to drink it.
Emily:
And then he throws it.
Dan:
Yeah.
Emily:
He's like "What am I doing?"
Dan:
Which is kind of in the spirit of the Tea Party anyway. They're all...
Molly:
Throwing crap.That's why I think I'm the hare. I destroy things.
Dan:
The dormouse has the best attitude. I really love it. She's like never quite taken with Alice.
Molly:
"She's the wrong Alice."
Dan:
At one point, Alice is insisting that it's all dream and she's just gonna pinch herself and wake up. And the pinch doesn't work. So the dormouse says I can stab you with my tiny little sword if you like. Yeah, that might be helpful. And she does it.
Molly:
Does it to her freakin' foot.
Dan:
She leaps and digs right into Alice's foot. When Alice goes to the Red Queen's Court, she has a chandelier that's being held aloft by flapping.
Molly:
Yes. I saw that when they came in for the frogs
Emily:
I actually didn't.
Dan:
And they're just struggling. I loved it.
Emily:
Actually, I didn't notice that at all.
Dan:
You see it a couple times. It's great.
Molly:
I noticed it like when the frog... like, you know, when she comes in and she's like "Who ate my..." whatever they were-- jams or something and are like me, "It wasn't me Your Majesty." There's like the chandelier and the birds.
Dan:
Yeah. They're flapping like crazy. It's great.
Emily:
I like when she is like, where's my pig? And the pig just slams underneath there and just is like laying there.
Dan:
I love how nonsensical it is. I like to have a warm pig under feet to...
Emily:
Pig belly. I like a warm pig belly to warm my aching feet.
Dan:
But she has her shoes on.
Molly:
She does have her shoes on.
Dan:
I don't know if I'll ever watch this movie again. It was just so Tim Burton. And it's not that I hate all Tim Burton movies.
Emily:
I want to see the second one. I've been wanting to.
Molly:
I liked the second one a lot and like you are curious about like what happened with the dad and everything, and it goes into that a little bit, too. And she's older in the second movie, too. I just I like it.
Emily:
That was one thing I was like..
Molly:
You could also google it.
Dan:
I gonna have to see the sequel now cause like, I'm curious enough. Even though I don't like the aesthetics of the movie. Yeah, it was. I just do want to go on record. I don't hate Tim Burton movies. There's some really good ones he's made. Just sometimes they're more style than substance for me. Yeah. If no one else has anything else to say about Alice in Wonderland, let's play a game.
Emily:
Okay.
Molly:
Yeah.
Dan:
Since we have a guest on this episode, I thought I would take the opportunity to make a game where you two can compete against each other.
Molly:
Bring it on.
Dan:
In a game I call. What's your deal? It's a lot like a popular TV game show where you have to guess prices on stuff. Except it's all gonna be fucked up shit you can buy on the internet.
Emily:
Oh buddy.
Dan:
That if you walked in and saw it in your friend's house. You'd be like Dude, what's your deal? First one. Peel and stick wall decals like the fatheads giant wall decals of an elderly couple and a golf cart.
Emily:
Twenty five dollars.
Molly:
I'll say twenty.
Dan:
Molly gets it. It is twenty two dollars. And I forgot to say you can't go over the price, just like in the other game, we will not name. But Molly was closest anyway. Next one, a one tooth pendant necklace made from a real human molar.
Emily:
$15.
Molly:
You'd pay $15 for a tooth?
Emily:
Why not?
Molly:
I would pay like five.
Dan:
It is 20.
Molly:
Oh, my gosh.
Dan:
On sale from 35.
Molly:
Is it like specialized? You can go like, send your teeth in. And I mean,.
Dan:
Nope, you just get whatever. But yeah, I found that on Etsy. And this person has a side business where apparently they're just acquiring human molars all the time.
Emily:
GROSS.
Emily:
Enough of them to be selling necklaces made out of them.
Emily:
That concerns me a lot.
Molly:
Yeah.
Dan:
Yeah, I have questions about this person. But then going on here from Amazon, one hundred thousand parasitic wasp eggs.
Emily:
One hundred and fifty dollars.
Molly:
Let's say one thirty.
Dan:
I'm going to give the point to Molly. You both went over. It's only $30 dollars.
Molly:
What? I feel like that would be expensive.
Emily:
Why does she get a point?
Molly:
I gotta give it to somebody.
Emily:
Nobody gets a point.
Dan:
Okay. We might end up with a tie at the end, though.
Emily:
How many do you have?
Dan:
I have nine. To avoid a tie.
Emily:
Okay.
Dan:
We'll see how it comes out. Next one, Amazon, real human finger bone.
Molly:
Why would you want that?
Dan:
Why can you buy this on Amazon?
Molly:
So many questions.
Dan:
Emily.
Emily:
Twelve dollars.
Molly:
Twenty.
Dan:
Fifteen. Emily gets the point. This one is for medical training. It's an infant circumcision training kit with replacement genitals in case you want another whack at that foreskin. So it's like a dummy of a baby with like five or six penises you can snap onto it and cut a bit off.
Emily:
Thirty five dollars.
Molly:
30.
Dan:
Emily's closest. It's actually two twenty six.
Emily:
Two hundred twenty six dollars?
Dan:
Yeah. It's like a medical training devices. Lifelike.
Molly:
Why can you buy that on amazon?
Dan:
I think it's more acceptable to buy that on Amazon than a real human finger bone.
Molly:
I mean, so.
Dan:
Or a hundred-thousand. Parasitic wasp eggs.
Emily:
OK, here's the thing. You get that finger in and it turns out is not even real. Do the parasitic wasp eggs come back to life?
Molly:
They're not hatched yet.
Dan:
Yeah, they're not hatched yet. You buy them to hatch them.
Emily:
I wonder why. Why you give given parasites.
Molly:
So they could kill other things.
Dan:
Yes. For killing other types of insects.
Emily:
Me humans.
Molly:
You're not an insect.
Dan:
Okay. You ready for the next one.
Molly:
Yes.
Dan:
This one. I had go to an exotic meat web site.
Emily:
Oh, Dan...
Dan:
Guinea pig meat. What's the price for one guinea pig?
Emily:
Did you just go to the black market?
Dan:
No, it's an actual website you go to.
Molly:
How do you cook a guinea pig?
Dan:
I don't know. Boiled alive like a lobster.
Molly:
Listen to it scream.
Emily:
Is it for an entire like.
Dan:
It's one like dressed... so skinned and gutted guinea pig.
Emily:
OK. Fifty dollars.
Molly:
I'll got forty.
Dan:
Only thirty five. I'll throw that one out. Same website.
Emily:
Oh buddy.
Dan:
What if you just want one pair of that guinea pig's testicles?
Emily:
Ten dollars.
Molly:
20.
Dan:
20 on the nose.
Emily:
Yeah.
Molly:
Can I get a double for that? Is that a thing? Double points for on the nose.
Dan:
Nah, maybe next time we play.
Molly:
I'm going to tell that to my friends. Next time I have class with them. Do you know how much you can pay for a guinea pig testicle? It's 20 bucks.
Dan:
For the pair.
Molly:
Oh, for the pair. My bad.
Dan:
Okay.This one. If you have lost a loved one, you can have a 12-inch custom action finger replica made of them with lifelike fiber hair. And it also doubles as an urn.
Emily:
How did I know that was? It's like see through it. It's just the ashes you can see through it.
Dan:
It's a action figure, a replica of your loved one that contains their ashes.
Emily:
So would it be lifelike of their state of when they died or would they?
Molly:
Whatever you want.
Dan:
I think you prolly just send them a face photo and then they like make a sculpted head.
Emily:
Seventy five dollars.
Molly:
Fifty.
Dan:
Two Twenty five.
Emily:
Jesus Christ. You need to catch up, Molly.
Dan:
Last one. This one fucked me up the most.
Emily:
Oh great.
Dan:
It's not the most fucked up, but it's also the kind of disturbing Ouija board. But there's no letters. Instead, it's all sex positions. And you let the spirits decide how you and your partner are going to have sex.
Emily:
Oh, gross.
Molly:
That's hilarious.
Emily:
I'm gonna go $120.
Molly:
$100.
Dan:
It's only $19.
Emily:
Wow.
Dan:
That's so disturbing to me. Because I'm picturing like The Exorcist and that's how she gets the demon and. Like playing with the Ouija board. So I'm just picturing a creepy demon like in the corner.
Emily:
No, no, no, no, no. It's Scary Movie 2. She gets fucked by the ghost.
Molly:
Weird. So weird.
Dan:
I just stumbled across this one. I'm like, what the fuck?
Molly:
How much is a regular Ouija board?
Dan:
Probably somewhere around there.
Emily:
Don't buy one.
Dan:
The fact that they're made by like Hasbro or somebody now, it's kind of creepy. I just. Why do you want ghosts telling you how to have sex? That implies that they're watching it just oh,.
Emily:
They need to get off too.
Dan:
So, no one got that one. Let's see, I believe.
Emily:
I won!
Dan:
Emily has four. Molly has two. She gets quadruple points for the one she got on the nose. So, Molly wins.
Emily:
Wow, bitch. You said no.
Dan:
I wanted to see how I was going to shake out. Molly wins. Well, when you're the guest on the podcast, you can win.
Emily:
You gonna kick me off sometime.
Molly:
I'll take over so you can win the next game.
Dan:
You're getting kind of old. I thinking about sending you to a farm where.
Molly:
Hey, now you don't tell a woman she's old.
Dan:
I know of a great farm where you'll have plenty of room to run and play with other gingers.
Emily:
Hey, Dan...
Molly:
She's purple now.
Emily:
I'm not over 30.
Dan:
Your knees are.
Molly:
He got you there, my dude.
Emily:
He did.
Dan:
Okay. Do you have a urban dictionary to represent?
Emily:
Oh, I've got two. So the first one was called Neptune's Kiss.
Dan:
Neptune doesn't give me a whore to work with. I don't know.
Molly:
Is that like a certain god or something?
Dan:
Yeah.
Molly:
Which one is it?
Emily:
Poseidon.
Dan:
Yeah.
Molly:
It is?
Emily:
I can also be called Poseidon's.
Molly:
Because I thought it was water.
Emily:
You guys ready for me to tell you?
Molly:
Yeah.
Emily:
The splash back of cold bog water up into your ring piece when dropping the kids off at the pool. When you take a shit in the water back splash into your bubble.
Dan:
I get it though.
Emily:
I have heard of that before.
Molly:
Really?
Emily:
Yeah.
Molly:
Next time you SnapChat me when you're going to the bathroom, I'll ask you if you had a Neptune's kiss.
Emily:
It's not pleasant.
Molly:
No.
Dan:
It doesn't sound pleasant.
Molly:
Has never happened to you?
Emily:
You never dropped a deuce so large it just plopped.
Dan:
Probably. I don't know. I don't spent a lot of time committing those memories to the memory banks. I don't keep a scrapbook.
Emily:
Dear, diary. Today, the water hit me in my bumhole.
Molly:
There's an app that's called Poop Map me and a bunch of teammates got and you can like share your poops with each other.
Dan:
Why?!
Molly:
Because it's comical. We saw it on TikTok we all downloaded it.
Dan:
That's too much team bonding.
Molly:
No, it's great. You can say where it's at. You can rate it on stars and then you can like.
Dan:
Can you categorize it by flavor profile?
Molly:
No. You also cannot post pictures because somebody had that question. I was like absolutely not.
Dan:
I'm glad to hear that.
Emily:
You guys ready for number two?
Molly:
Yes.
Emily:
(laughing)
Molly:
I don't think you're ready.
Dan:
We already did that episode.
Emily:
We do talk a lot about poop.
Dan:
No. Our... one of our episodes was actually "Are You Ready for Number Two?"
Emily:
Yeah. We talk about a lot of poop on here.
Dan:
Yeah.
Molly:
Happy to contribute.
Emily:
Alright. The second one is Alabama Pig Roast.
Molly:
Do you know?
Dan:
No, but...
Molly:
But you know something.
Dan:
I know how fucked up Urban Dictionary is. If I had to define that, I would say it would be like a spit roast, like somebody being penetrated from one end and the other end. But it's Alabama, so I don't know. Like they're slathering barbecue sauce on their back
Molly:
I know I was thinking hot sauce.
Dan:
Yeah, there's some kind of unnecessary sauce being lathered on the person.
Molly:
Are they spinning?
Emily:
No. When one guy is having sex with a girl doggystyle and another guy is getting a blowjob and they arm wrestle on the girls back.
Molly:
They're what?
Emily:
They arm wrestle on the girl's back.
Dan:
I was kind of close.
Molly:
You were. You got part of it right.
Emily:
I just like the arm wrestling.
Molly:
The arm wrestling.
Emily:
This girl's like this "ugggh"
Dan:
Let's just talk practically. That means they are both digging their elbows into her spine.
Molly:
That poor woman.
Emily:
She apparently. She signed up. If she's getting rammed by two dudes at one time she signed up for something.
Molly:
To get arm wrestled on the back?
Dan:
I'm guessing her friend dropped her off at their house for $400.
Molly:
She signed up on the escort site. Yep.
Dan:
That's gonna be all for today. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you, Molly for coming today.
Emily:
Yeah. Thanks, Molly.
Molly:
Absolutely. It was really fun.
Dan:
As always, give a star rating or review on whatever platform you're listening to the show on and share the show with anybody you think might enjoy it.
Emily:
Guys, you can find us at My Kajiggers Podcast on Facebook. And don't forget, we have a new Web site.
Emily:
I forgot the Web site.
Dan:
MyKajiggers.com.
Molly:
Good job, Emily.
Emily:
I know. I'm proud of myself.
Emily:
Let us know what you guys want us to watch next and review and let us know if you enjoy having a guest and say hi to my new dog guys and thanks for listening.
Dan:
We'll have to post a picture of Fen on the Facebook page.
Emily:
He'll be here forever and ever and ever unless he eats more of my fucking pizza off the counter.
Dan:
Okay. We'll catch you guys next episode. Bye, Felicia.
Molly:
Bye, Felicia.
Emily:
There you go. Bye, Felicia.
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Dan and Emily talk about Disney Plus launch problems, WTF news, favorite movie scenes, and Disney conspiracy theories. Be prepared for an extra ridiculous Urban Dictionary segment to wrap up the show.