Ep. 18: Vaccinate Your Goddamn Children

Feb 13

Dan & Emily discuss Return of the Jedi as they wrap up their series covering the original Star Wars trilogy. WTF news includes stories of fashionable farm animals, an uninformed voter, and the dangers of anti-vaxxers. Listen to the end for a Star Wars edition of Shut Up and Take My Money.

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Dan:
Hey, guys. Welcome back to My Kajiggers with Dan and Emily. I'm Dan.. And with me is my co-host, Emily.

Emily:
Welcome back, guys.

Dan:
So today we're gonna have some What the Fuck News as usual. And finish our short little trilogy on the original Star Wars trilogy. This week we'll be talking about Return of the Jedi.

Emily:
I'm actually really excited to talk about it because I've got some big opinions on this one.

Dan:
Yeah, I have quite a few notes on it, too. But first, let's just dive right into our What the Fuck News.

Emily:
All right. I'll start it off. Mine really isn't so much news as it is just why the fuck would you buy this? So my first object is people can buy fucking tutus for their goddamn chickens on like Etsy. Why? Why would you buy... they're farm animals? They're there for a purpose. I mean, a chicken pet would be cool, but why would you put a fucking tutu on? It's not a dog. Dogs are fun.

Dan:
Have you ever seen that video of a chicken wearing blue pants?

Emily:
I think I know what you're talking about.

Dan:
That chickens strutting his stuff. He looks like he owns those pants. So I can only imagine what a chicken is going to look like in a tutu.

Emily:
But like I didn't go to the trouble to like look up a costs for it, but it's just like why would you buy a tutu for your chicken.

Dan:
Yeah. Whatever it costs, it's too much for clothes for a chicken.

Emily:
Yeah. So don't buy tutus for your chickens. Or if you do send us pictures.

Dan:
Yeah, I would like to see that if you have clothes on your pet chicken. Send us pictures on My Kajiggers Podcast at Facebook.

Emily:
Or just if you have clothes on any of your animals would be just perfect because we love animals here.

Dan:
Yeah, we do love animals. So let's see your animals.

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
My first story, the headline is Video Shows Iowa Caucus Goer Trying to Change Her Vote After Learning Pete Buttigieg is gay. I love this story because this lady supported Pete Buttigieg's policies enough that she voted for him.

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
And then after the fact. Talking to somebody, whatever. At the polling place, she just happens to find out he's gay. And there's a video, so there'll be a link in the show notes. You guys have to check this out because the lady is nuts and.

Emily:
She's not even making any sense onto why besides the sole fact that he's gay.

Dan:
It's kind of infuriating because she's saying stuff like, I don't want anybody like that in the White House. And he better read his Bible. But up until that point, she was perfectly fine with him.

Emily:
And the fact is, he's been extremely, extremely open about it even before, like the presidential run, because didn't he do a Senate run?

Dan:
I don't know. I know he was mayor of some place.

Emily:
Or something like that. Yeah. But he's been very, very open. And he is actually quite a religious person

Dan:
In the video after she says he better read his Bible, the person that's talking to him.

Emily:
her

Dan:
Is actually like doing a really good job of keeping her cool.

Emily:
Oh, she kept her calm.

Dan:
She says, well, he actually does read his Bible. He very much is, you know, a Christian and believes in his faith. And the best part is this lady gets upset, says, how come this hasn't been brought out before? Like they've been keeping it a secret. And they just now announced it to everybody.

Emily:
The two polling people were just like, it's common knowledge. I mean, like he has said it.

Dan:
Yeah, it's great because I'm not even into the Democrat primary. So I don't know much about those candidates. The only two things I know about him are, one, he's a Democrat and two, he's gay.

Emily:
I don't get too much into politics either. So I don't actually know a whole lot about him. And I mean, when everybody tarted like announcing their runs. I know there was articles. I was reading about like all the issues some of the Democrats were running on. But like, I honestly can't remember what he was doing. But yeah, this lady supported him so much and then.

Dan:
Somehow didn't know the biggest thing anybody knows about him.

Emily:
I just love it. So can I have my thing back?

Dan:
Yeah.

Emily:
I don't think you can. And I never said if she did or not. So I am curious to find out if they did. But she signed it.

Dan:
Yeah. And it's a caucus, not a primary election. Like they do it weird anyway. So like I don't fully understand what's going on with the card. It's just that whole story. It's entertaining and infuriating.

Emily:
How can somebody be so? Just what's the word I'm looking for? Not idiotic but dense?

Dan:
Oblivious.

Emily:
Yes.

Dan:
Yeah, it's nuts.

Emily:
This one I don't understand at all. U.S. postal worker hides mail in a storage unit because he felt too pressured to deliver it. So a U.S. postal worker was caught with a public storage unit full of undelivered mail. I don't know if they've sentenced him yet, but Jason Dela Cruz was mail carrier and Chesapeake, Virginia. Sorry, Chesapeake Bay, Virginia. And he told prosecutors he felt so pressured and he that he couldn't make it to all deliveries and his mail route. Maybe Chesapeake Bay is a large area. But they only have so many like square feet that they are square mileage that they deliver anyways. So he rented a storage unit for all the mail that he couldn't deliver. They even said that he paid forty nine dollars a month for the storage unit he was paying to store the mail he couldn't deliver. Agents from the USPS found almost 5000 pieces of mail dated from November 2018 to February twenty nineteen when he was finally arrested. So over a year of mail or sorry? No, not a year.I

Dan:
think I was like nine months or something?

Emily:
Yes. And he had only worked there 14 months, and he can face up to five years in prison. But if you can't make your delivery routes, why are you a mail deliverer?

Dan:
Yeah, I don't really like the postal service anyway, but it could be that they were understaffed. I don't know. But other postal carriers were getting their work done.

Emily:
Yes. Trying to remember specifics here. There they're saying that like forty five hundred pieces of mail were like, you know, junk in advertising. And then there was like a hundred pieces of like first class mail. And they're saying that's like DMV and tax stuff. And yeah, that's you know, and that's important.

Dan:
There's stuff that has deadlines that you need to read.

Emily:
So good. That is one good thing about living in the, you know, Internet age where people can, you know, see their bills online, like I'm the type of person I like paper statements, but I pay my stuff online. I don't know. I'm just that kind of person. I don't like paper statements because I don't really check my e-mail that much.

Dan:
Oh, you don't like e-mail statements?

Emily:
Yes, e-statements, whatever. I don't care for them. If I open up a piece of mail, like I'll usually know when my bills are due. But this is just ridiculous.

Dan:
Yeah. I love that. He says he felt pressured to deliver all the mail. That's your job. You should feel pressured to deliver all the mail.

Emily:
Yes. You have one literal specific job is deliver the mail.

Dan:
If your job is to deliver the mail.

Emily:
And why is it taking you so long to deliver mail that you can't make your route in time?

Dan:
I don't know. It could be the route was unreasonable. Whatever. But if your job is to deliver the mail and you feel pressured because you have to deliver the mail, maybe you shouldn't be the one delivering the mail.

Emily:
Yes.

Dan:
Get another job.

Emily:
And now you just threw your life away because delay of mail is a federal offense.

Dan:
Yeah. I saw that story when you shared in our folder and that was messed up. If you guys happen to hear weird noises in the background, Skadi is being extra energetic today.

Emily:
So she likes to take her toys and she'll play them with them next to our entertainment center, which is raised up. And so her toys get stuck underneath that shit. And then she freaks the fuck out because she can't reach them and she just pushes them even further back.

Dan:
Yeah. So just bear with us.

Emily:
Sorry, not sorry.

Dan:
Moving on. This one, we both have stuff to say about it. The headline, A child died of the flu after his mom consulted an anti-vax Facebook group. Geneva Montoya took her kids to the hospital because two of them had fevers and flu like symptoms. A third child, Najee, went as well. But according to her, wasn't tested because he appeared fine. At some point, there was a prescription made for Tamiflu, and then she consulted an anti-vaxxer Facebook group with a hundred and thirty nine thousand members.

Emily:
That's just stupid in itself.

Dan:
It's terrifying. Saying her kids were not vaccinated and she was looking for natural ways to break their fevers. She took the advice to use vitamins D and C, elderberry, and fruits and vegetables, saying she'd go ahead and try that. Well, apparently it didn't work because Najee, who supposedly was fine, developed a fever that is now believed to have caused the seizure, which killed him.

Emily:
But that is just he was 4 years old. And that's just so just heartbreaking.

Dan:
I'm not even gonna say what crowdfunding website they're using, but they have a crowdfunding page on one of those services. And there's really conflicting details about exactly like at what point her son received a prescription and whether they took him to the hospital multiple times. And yeah, it's hard to figure out like what's the truth of this story. But basically.

Emily:
The fact is her child got a prescription and she didn't use it to, you know, help him get better.

Dan:
And except now the parents are saying, oh, yeah, we gave him all the medicine. Of course, you say that because your child died and.

Emily:
You're the cause of it.

Dan:
Yeah. And you don't want the backlash or any criminal charges.

Emily:
But like, OK, so here's the thing with the, you know, natural remedies. I do understand them like give their child the medicine, but also help boost the your immune system. I mean, vitamin C and D will help boost his immune system, but give him the fucking medicine.

Dan:
I actually do believe we probably overmedicate in our culture. And by taking medicines for everything.

Emily:
Mm hmm.

Dan:
Our body has no reason to naturally build up immunities. And sometimes I even worry about like how that's going to affect us evolutionarily. Like, we kind of need to let nature have an influence, but maybe do that with your own adult body and don't risk.

Emily:
A child?

Dan:
Like get him to the age of being an adult and then he can make his own decisions.

Emily:
See, here's my thought on that, too, is I do agree with that. But if it's a medicine like I understand like over-the-counter, like pain relievers, I take too much of it. I wish I could figure something out that would help me rather than take so much of like, you know, Advil and all that. But if Tamiflu is proven multiple times, backed by science to help your child feel better with the flu, use it.

Dan:
And here's what's so infuriating. As of yesterday, at the time we're recording, the Center for Disease Control has reported seventy eight U.S. pediatric deaths related to influenza just this flu season.

Emily:
How many of those kids were vaccinated?

Dan:
It doesn't say. But I mean, it's too many.

Emily:
I can't remember percentages. And I'm not going to quote a number because I don't know the numbers. But there is a study out there that shows most childhood toddler deaths from being sick like this are because kids are not vaccinated. And I don't know the exact percentages and numbers on that. But I remember reading that because of this on this article.

Dan:
Anti-vaxxers piss me off so much. And I'm not even saying everybody needs to be vaccinated as an adult. It helps because there's a such thing as herd immunity. And the more people that are immunized, the more chances of breaking the chain of disease transmission, even if everybody isn't immunized.

Emily:
Yes.

Dan:
If you're an adult, you shouldn't be forced to be vaccinated.

Emily:
But when you're a child, when your immune system is still growing and trying to defend itself, help it.

Dan:
Yes.

Emily:
It makes me so upset that a four year old happy boy cannot grow up.

Dan:
If you have a child, your number one priority should be making sure they grow up.

Emily:
It makes me so upset that a lot of the anti-vaxxers would rather have a dead child than a child that has.

Dan:
Autism?

Emily:
Yes. And that's where a lot of this stems from. And I know this is a different conversation, but this is where people are getting this false information from that has been proven false.

Dan:
Yes. The study that originally said that has been recanted, the person that came out with it says, yes, it's not true. And people still keep believing it.

Emily:
I don't understand how stupid people can be.

Dan:
Autism can have a damaging effect on somebody's life, but...

Emily:
But kids can grow to help control that.

Dan:
Well, an autistic kid is a better than a dead kid.

Emily:
Yes. It makes me so sad to say. You would rather have literally a dead child. Watch your child suffer and die before you know, age 5 than to see them grow up with a disability, which you can help manage. And that child could still be very happy. It makes me so terrified to have kids knowing the fact that my kids could get so sick from somebody else's kid not being vaccinated. I don't know if it's in like our area, but I know I think over on the East Coast side, once school started back up, kids who were not vaccinated, who cannot prove they were vaccinated were not allowed to return to school.

Dan:
Oh, I am absolutely for that. I think kids... we should be making sure they grow up to be adults and can make decisions to vaccinate themselves or not. I don't care if you're home-schooled or in public school. It should be mandated that you get vaccinations. And like I said, once you're an adult, then you can decide. Kids shouldn't be at the mercy of their parents being intelligent enough to give them medicine.

Emily:
Yes. Poor kids are literally suffering and they don't know any better. And because they're a child, they can't speak up for themselves.

Dan:
I'm all for making sure kids are vaccinated. It's so infuriating that kids have to die just because their parents believe anything people tell them on the Internet.

Emily:
So take this away from us. Vaccinate your goddamn children.

Dan:
Yep. That's the title of the episode. Vaccinate your goddamn children.

Emily:
Perfect.

Dan:
OK.

Emily:
You ready to talk some Star Wars.

Dan:
I am. Why don't you dive in first?

Emily:
This is my least favorite. I did not like this one.

Dan:
You didn't like it at all?

Emily:
I enjoyed it. But it definitely tanked in the rankings of the three.

Dan:
I agree. And it was my favorite as a kid.

Emily:
The picture was so much clear.

Dan:
More colorful, too.

Emily:
Yes. Great advances in the technology. Hundred percent. But I didn't like the way the story went. So one of the things I definitely didn't like how Luke acted in this case, the way that Mark Hamill was acting, not like, you know. Do you know what I'm saying?

Dan:
I wrote down a similar note about Luke.

Emily:
And he was just like apathetic through it all.

Dan:
Okay. My criticism of Luke. See, when I was a kid, I thought, yeah, he's a Jedi master now. He's a bad ass. I think at the start of this movie, he still has the same problem from Empire Strikes Back where he's too overconfident in his abilities.

Emily:
Yes.

Dan:
I mean, he's obviously had time to practice, but he just comes off as so confident that he cannot be turned to the dark side and that he can save his father. Even at the beginning when they go to rescue Han from Jabba. He just seems so sure of himself.

Emily:
I don't like that. It was definitely something that was off putting. But like when he was confronting Darth Vader and the way he spoke, I hated the way that he talked in this movie. Like I said, the apathetic. There was no emotion behind. It was very dry.

Dan:
To me it was just too earnest. There's some humor from him, but a lot of it is just so serious.

Emily:
I was very over the fact that he... How many times he said father?

Dan:
Yeah.

Emily:
Just over it.

Dan:
What else did you have?

Emily:
So right at the beginning when they're meeting Jabba, I wrote down what is that ballsack looking thing in the beginning. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Dan:
No.

Emily:
It was the I guess you could say, Jabba's right hand man.

Dan:
Okay. The guy with like the long tails coming off his head.

Emily:
Yes. Yeah. Ballsack, the animatronics were really good in this movie.

Dan:
Yes, that is...

Emily:
I love the little ewoks. I know those were people. But like those were one of my favorites. The little ewoks are so cute.

Dan:
The baby ewoks.

Emily:
Oh my god.

Dan:
I forgot about the baby ewoks. I'll just say now, before there was baby Yoda, there was baby ewoks.

Emily:
But definitely the animatronics were so good in this movie. And what, it was also made in the 80s?

Dan:
'83.

Emily:
'83, so literally a couple years after the other one.

Dan:
And as far as I could tell, they hadn't really touched up Jabba with computers in this one. When I was a kid, I had a making of VHS for all the trilogy. Jabba is a giant puppet with, I want to say five or six people controlling different parts of him. He's that complex like there's somebody doing the eyes.

Emily:
It's impressives

Dan:
Yeah, it's like this dance of all these people puppeteering at the same time, it is really impressive.

Emily:
So one of my notes was, you know, at the party scene before the bounty hunter comes in with Chewey, there was singers you could tell.

Dan:
OK.

Emily:
Were those were added in later, weren't they?

Dan:
Yeah.

Emily:
And you could tell how bad they were. I just looked at it and was like it's cool. But try and make it look like it's in the movie rather than it being some cartoon shit.

Dan:
That was state of the art back in the day. And I'm sure they've touched it up a little since but that scene serves no purpose. There's a band in the original version.

Emily:
Yes. But that singing person thing.

Dan:
Well, there's the one singer with like the long mouth that comes down to like a point and like big red lips.

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
She was in it. There's like a little monkey whatever singing in this one too, that...he's not in it. There's no point to that musical number being added. It's not even in English. Like you don't know what they're singing. It's just noise.

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
And the dancers were in the original. It's just I don't know why that's there but you're right it looks bad.

Emily:
Can we just talk about bounty hunter Leia?

Dan:
Yeah.

Emily:
She was a bad ass. Yeah. And Leia was a bad ass in this movie.

Dan:
I like her negotiating tactic and I love it. Jabba agrees to pay her more because she pulls out a bomb.

Emily:
And he liked that.

Dan:
He's like my kind of scum.

Emily:
But I just I think bounty hunter Leia was real bad. And I think just Leia in general in this movie cause she fuckin strangled Jabba.

Dan:
Yeah.

Emily:
And that was I thought that was cool.

Dan:
So I credit Liea in this movie. And Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns for making me realize, as a young boy, "Hey, girls are kind of awesome!"

Emily:
Oh, here's I wrote this. I now know why boys went nuts over Hot Leia also. Super bad us to kill Java.

Dan:
Yeah, it's kind of disturbing now. Like she is hot in that slave outfit, but like, I don't know. Just as I'm older, it seems problematic.

Emily:
Yeah, I could see that. But one of my other notes was when Luke walked in to Jabba's lair and he's like throwing fuckin people around. I'm like, when did Luke get control of his powers? I feel like there's too much of a time jump because he came in a lot more confident. And I'm like, well, when did he go? And when did he train?

Dan:
Yeah, he could have only trained with himself. Like he's just going off and lifting rocks or something because he didn't go back to Yoda until this movie.

Emily:
Yes. I don't like that jump and not knowing because the way, you know, he walked in like a cocky asshole a little bit and just using his Jedi powers and, you know, calling himself a Jedi I like have you earned that title yet?

Dan:
It's a little ballsy of himself to call himself a Jedi master.

Emily:
Yes. Like how bold of you.

Dan:
Can we talk about that plan? I'm still not entirely sure what their plan was. It seems overly convoluted and

Emily:
Infiltrating.

Dan:
Yeah. Like, Leah,? I don't get the impression that was their goal for her to be caught, but Luke was planning on going there anyway. Any needing Three people in R2-D2 there. And I guess he was just planning at some point he was gonna need R2-D2 to shoot him his lightsaber.

Emily:
There's too much of a time jump and there's just there's missing information between the Empire Strikes Back and the Return of the Jedi. Too much missing stuff.

Dan:
Yeah. And it kind of comes across like a heist and they give each other knowing looks like something's about to go down. Was the plan that they were going to be executed and then escape execution like that? It seems really far fetched to plan out. Oh, yeah. He's gonna take us on this sail barge out to the middle of the desert. I just don't understand what the original plan was before.

Emily:
Yeah. But I hate it because like I said in the last time we talked about this, I've seen all of Family Guy Star Wars. But when I watch Star Wars like when I watched this one because of the, you know, the back and forth books between Peter and whoever was Lando on the TV show and just the looks back and forth in it-- panning between like, what, four people?

Dan:
Yeah, I was thinking about that same time when I was watching this version. It's hard not to. I like Han more in this movie than in previous movies. An example is like some of his humor when they're about to be executed and they're being transported out to the know the desert. Luke looks at him. He's like "It's not that bad of a planet. I used to live here, you know." And without missing a beat, Han's just like "You're gonna die here, you know."

Emily:
I think it makes up for the fact that he couldn't, you know, quote unquote, see for a good chunk of the movie. And I think that's been his funniest moments is this movie.

Dan:
It felt like a response I would make.

Emily:
It is a response you would make. I like when they get to the moon has all the ewoks. And they're flying around chasing, oh, another storm trooper, you know, helmet change.

Dan:
I told you every episode there's a new type of stormtrooper.

Emily:
I don't fucking get it. I really enjoy their helmets. Like little safari helmets almost.

Dan:
I don't know. I feel like they can see better in those helmets, though, because they definitely seemed more competent in this one at least they got the drop on them.

Emily:
And their flying skills on that. That was probably my one animation I hated the most is when they flew off on those rockety thingies.

Dan:
Yeah, the speeder bikes.

Emily:
Yes.

Dan:
A really cool and well done scene though.

Emily:
It is. And I definitely liked the fighting on them, but I liked Leia's encounter with the Ewoks because, you know, she she's kind of a fearless person. And when she wakes up being jabbed by an ewok, she just slaps it and it's like freaking out. She goes, oh, quit. She's just sits there and just looks at it like, quit. Yeah, I love how... is that Wickett?

Dan:
Yes.

Emily:
I love him.

Dan:
Wickett is in the ewok spin-offs.

Emily:
I know

Dan:
I really wish they'd put them on Disney plus.

Emily:
Ewoks was on Netflix I think.

Dan:
Was it? Man, I have good memories of those movies. I also have problems with them. But that's a discussion for another time. But I love how at least when small groups are encountering them, not the battle at the end, but just all of our main characters meeting the ewoks. They could easily massacre this ewok a village and they just. Okay, we'll let you take us prisoner.

Emily:
I like C-3 C3PO in this one because he's like really defiant and Han's just like. Fuckin tell them.

Dan:
Yeah, I like that when they think C-3PO is a God and Han Solo's just like, okay, well then use your divine authority to get us set free and C-3PO's just like, well I don't think that would be appropriate. It was funny to me because Hon is obviously perturbed. Luke is in the background, just smiling. Of course C-3PO wouldn't think that's appropriate. Also I like when they're about to be burned alive by the ewoks.

Emily:
Yes.

Dan:
And Han Solo was trying to just blow out the torch. 'Cause he has no other options. He's just like blowing.

Emily:
Really, I'm not going to lie. There was some really good scenes in this movie for being like my least favorite. But I think really the whole fight scene with Palpatine and Vader and Luke was just so dry. It could have been better. The helmet removal, though, that was creepy. That was like that's nightmare fuel. I'm sorry.

Dan:
So we've talked in previous episodes how obviously James Earl Jones is the voice of Darth Vader. But this other guy who doesn't get a lot of credit-- David Prowse-- he was the body of Darth Vader and acted out all these scenes in all these movies. Guess what? He didn't get to play Darth Vader without the helmet. They brought in a third actor to play.

Emily:
That's somebody different now?

Dan:
Yes.

Dan:
The guy that had to wear the suit all this time doesn't get to show his face on screen.

Emily:
Why?

Dan:
I don't know. I just find it amusing. But Darth Vader in this movie and that final battle scene when I was a kid, that was like the biggest lightsaber battle they had released. The prequels hadn't come out. So I thought "Oh, yeah, this is great." The music is good and emotional and you feel like the struggle of Luke and not wanting to kill his dad and then Vader just going for it and trying to turn him to the dark side. But you're right, it's... there's not a lot going on in that fight.

Emily:
I got so annoyed with Palpatine. "Yes, yes."

Dan:
I like that though. He's very creepy and doesn't...

Emily:
I thought I was just so fucking hilarious though, when Vader just fucking manhandled him, picked him up over his head and just chucked him over the side.

Dan:
Yeah.

Emily:
Like he couldn't have fought you on that. Like you just literally picked him up and that was it.

Dan:
I mean he was electrocuting him at the same time and that's kind of Palpatine's move. But yeah I think he just caught him off guard and didn't have enough time. You would think someone as powerful as Palpatine's supposed to be and Jedi they can levitate things. Why can't they levitate themselves? You just don't see them flying much. You would have that he could have been like halfway down that shaft," Yeah, I'm just gonna levitate here. Fly my ass back up and electrocute both of you."

Emily:
Yes, but there was just so much lacking in the fight scene. Like, you know, Darth Vader is supposed to be this superior evil lord. And he fell through in this one. I mean, he didn't have a whole lot to do. And I still have to see all the others right to know how he is. But he just kind of falls flat in this one.

Dan:
I do love how in the battle Luke actually is starting to give in to the dark side.

Emily:
You can see the struggle with it a little bit.

Dan:
Even before that, like he is just so overconfident in his abilities and prideful.

Emily:
That it was making easy.

Dan:
And then when he finally has to give in to his passion because Vader's exploiting his feelings for his sister, then like that anger comes out and they get into a battle. And what stops him is finally cutting off Vader's hand and seeing the similarities between the path that Vader has taken and where he's at now. And he has his own artificial hand. He's just like, oh, fuck, no. Like, he just throws away his lightsaber. I think that is a good story beat of just. Wow. I came that close to being the villain.

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
Can we talk about Leia And the reveal that she is Luke's sister?

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
I love how Luke reveals that to her. He's about to go off surrender himself to Vader. Basically, the conversation is, hey, you're my sister. Oh, invaders, our dad. Okay. I'll catch you later.

Emily:
Yes. And she just you know, she takes things so easy. And she was like, oh, I had a feeling. I always had.

Dan:
She says, I know. Somehow I've always known. Really? Because you kissed him on the lips in the last movie. And there's a moment later in the movie where Han starts to get jealous of her relationship. And she's like, it's not what you think. He's my brother. I wanted him to also be like, really? Because you kissed him?

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
I just want somebody to call that out of like you guys have some awkward shit to work.

Emily:
Yes, but I mean, I did kind of like that scene a little bit because they sat down and he asks her, "Do you remember your mother?" Did he not? What?

Dan:
She shouldn't remember her mother.

Emily:
I was going to say because it was right at birth they got separated, right?

Dan:
Yeah.

Emily:
I was gonna say, because he asked her, do your remember your mother, maybe did she mean like...

Dan:
She has to be meaning her stepmother or something because if you watch the prequels, there's no reason for her to have known her mother.

Emily:
Ok. And he because he is like, I don't remember my mother at all. So what? I guess I have to watch the prequels for that one too, because I mean, he has probably been raised by his aunt and uncle this entire time.

Dan:
Yeah. They were separated at birth, which that's another thing I want to go into. So after Yoda dies and Obi Wan comes back as a spirit and he's talking to Luke and he explains to him, we separated you and your sister at birth because we didn't want your father to find you. And so these masters of witness protection decide the best way to hide Luke would be to send him to his father's homeworld, to live with his aunt and uncle and living under the same last name. Why would Vader ever look for Luke there like...

Emily:
Well...

Dan:
It's such a shitting hiding place.

Emily:
Did he know that he was having kids, though?

Dan:
Yes.

Emily:
Okay.

Dan:
That's-- I don't understand the logic of that. Yeah. We wanted to hide you from your dad. So we just sent you to live with family and didn't even both changing your name.

Emily:
There are so many unanswered questions.

Dan:
Watch the prequels and there will still be a lot of unanswered questions. Let's talk about Yoda.

Emily:
We didn't get a whole lot of Yoda action.

Emily:
No. I like how Luke returns to Dagobah because he has a promise that he has to keep to Yoda, that he's going to return for more training. He doesn't get any more training because he comes back too late. Yoda's dying.

Emily:
That's on him.

Dan:
But Yoda's entirely a puppet in this movie. They had to build the set elevated so that the puppeteer could be walking underneath the ground and controlling him. Knowing this, there was a moment rewatching this that caught me off guard. He climbs into bed and pulls the covers over him. And as I was watching it I was like what the fuck? Like trying to figure out the mechanics of this. If someone's underground like there had been like some secret cut out in the bed or something. It was just a really impressive effect to me of like that puppet just climbed up on a bed and pulled the covers over him.

Emily:
Yes.

Dan:
They don't make movies like that anymore.

Emily:
They... they have done very, like for the time and the technology, they did really, really well with these movies.

Dan:
But even for now, that puppet, they've got a really good animatronic from the Mandalorian with baby Yoda. That Yoda puppet in Empire and Return of the Jedi--That is top notch.

Emily:
OK. I do have a question. How old is Yoda? I heard something about nine hundred years old.

Dan:
Yes. Nine hundred.

Emily:
OK. So where the fuck does baby Yoda take place? Nine hundred years ago then?

Dan:
No, baby Yoda in The Mandalorian is not actually, Yoda. It's just his species because we've never been told what his species is.

Emily:
So he is literally separate from Yoda Yoda.

Dan:
Yes. Officially, it's the Child, but we all call it baby Yoda.

Emily:
Is it his child?

Dan:
We don't know.

Emily:
Did... it got renewed for another season then?

Dan:
It did.

Emily:
So. OK, now that I watched these three movies...

Dan:
You're set up to watch The Mandalorian.

Emily:
OK.

Dan:
It takes place six years after Return of the Jedi.

Emily:
Does it really?

Dan:
Yeah.

Emily:
Perfect. Cause I need something to wash now that The Witcher is not coming back for...

Dan:
You can go right into The Mandalorian. There's like stuff you'd appreciate more if you watched other movies and like some of the TV series. There's some stuff I had to Google to get all the references, but yeah, you don't need to see anything else to like really enjoy.

Emily:
I don't have to see anything else.

Dan:
Yeah.

Emily:
But I should finish the rest of everything?

Dan:
Yeah. I'd watch the prequels. They have their moments. Well one and three have their moments.

Emily:
I've already made it this far for these three. I'm going to eventually finish the others and TV show?

Dan:
There's like Clone Wars

Emily:
Oh, the animated?

Dan:
Yeah. I couldn't get into those.

Emily:
I actually liked Clone Wars. I did get into that one.

Dan:
I just couldn't. The animation was weird. Just random thoughts about this movie. One reason I don't like it as much as the others. It's kind of repetitive. We're going back to some of the same planets.

Emily:
Yes.

Dan:
And Tattoine is not that impressive to look at.

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
We're still not sure whether his name is Hahn or Han.

Emily:
"The Millenial Fulcon".

Dan:
I didn't notice that that much in this one, but I definitely caught Lando calling him Han. Jesus Christ. Somebody just come on set and establish what this is. Maybe that's just Lando's Cloud City accent.

Emily:
Probably.

Dan:
During the final battle. There's a heartbreaking scene of two ewoks get hit by like a laser beam and then one of them gets up and starts trying to wake the other one up and he won't wake up.

Emily:
I know I saw it. It broke my heart.

Dan:
It's so sad. It's a good... it's a brilliant moment. Like you feel it. Whoever came up with that, whether it was in the script or someone was on set like we should do this. That's a well-done scene. It says so much without any dialogue. Other thoughts-- Boba Fett's a punk, he's really cool looking.

Emily:
Mm hmm.

Dan:
And that's one of the reasons I was really looking forward to The Mandalorian, which is great. And I loved him as a kid. He does jack shit in his entire series.

Emily:
I know. So it is here in a lot more in the prequels.

Dan:
He's in the prequels.

Emily:
I was gonna say, why do people like him so much?

Dan:
He never does anything.

Emily:
Is it just because he's a bounty hunter?

Dan:
It's the armor just looks cool.

Emily:
Yeah,.

Dan:
That's it. But like, he's so ineffectual.

Emily:
Before I even watched this, I came in knowing like I had a prerequisite. That the right word. Yeah. Of thinking, oh, so many people, there's so much Boba Fett shit that he is actually a part of something and he's not. And I'm really disappointed that.

Dan:
He doesn't accomplish much at all. And his involvement in the prequels is just as disappointing. So look forward to that.

Emily:
Great.

Dan:
And my last real thought on this movie was Chewie. It seems more dog like in this movie than in any of the other movies.

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
Like when he's reunited with Han.

Emily:
He's just cuddling him.

Dan:
Yeah. And when they're on the moon and he falls for the trap that's just an animal's carcass on a stick. Chewie, you're better than this.

Emily:
I am surprised that the ewoks didn't like. Oh, you and I are almost the same.

Dan:
Well, they do kind of team up in the final battle. Fun fact. Originally it was going to be a planet of wookies.

Emily:
How fun would that have been.

Dan:
Wait for episode 3 you finally get to see the planet of wookies.

Emily:
There is a planet of Wookiees?

Dan:
Yes. I think was a cost thing. They're like, wow, all these wookiee suits are going to be expensive. And then somebody's like what if we make them a third the height? And so Wookiee became ewok.

Emily:
I'm kind of glad they did the ewoks because.

Dan:
They're adorable.

Emily:
I love them.

Dan:
Yeah, they're great. And kind of worry about what happened to them after the fact. But yeah, I didn't really have anything else to say if you want to go into the ending of this movie.

Emily:
I liked the little party, but I was going to talk about the video that you sent me of the original ending. So in the version that we watched that's on Disney Plus a young Anakin appears.

Dan:
Yeah.

Emily:
Who the fuck plays that?

Dan:
The guy from the prequels.

Emily:
Okay.

Dan:
That's not even in the special edition from 1997. After they filmed the prequels, they filmed just a little insert shot of him to put in Return of the Jedi again.

Emily:
But like I don't understand why they would make.

Dan:
Why he's young and Obi-Wan and Yoda aren't?

Emily:
Yes.

Dan:
Yes. That makes no sense.

Emily:
Because in the original video that you sent me it's him at current age. And is that the original actor or is that the other actor?

Dan:
That's the guy that's playing the version of him without the helmet. So in the Disney plus version, we have four different people performing the role of Anakin slash Darth Vader, and that's not even counting any stunt workers.

Emily:
I don't get it.

Dan:
That's what I don't like about this ending, is it requires, in order for it to make sense, you have to have seen the prequels.

Emily:
Well, now, now that I'm thinking about it. Do you think that he could have come back as young and Ken when he was still a pure Jedi? Do you think it went back that way and sort of, you know, being.

Dan:
So I don't understand why he comes back as a spirit, because it's kind of a thing in the prequels--they don't explain it too much, but like it's you making peace with the force and joining the force. Kind of like a reward for being a good Jedi or something.

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
Yeah. He redeemed himself in the in this movie by saving Luke's life. He is also killed soooo many people. Just so many people.

Emily:
He blew up fucking planets even.

Dan:
Okay. He led what is called the Jedi purge, which is he helped Palpatine and the empire just hunt down and kill all the Jedi.

Emily:
Which doesn't make sense to me considering he was a Jedi.

Dan:
Yeah, well, he betrayed them. He turned against them to join the Sith. The way in which it is finally depicted in the prequels, it is so heinous they don't actually show it. It's implied he kills a full room of children. Young Jedis come up to him like" Master Anakin, Are you here to save us." He just lights lightsaber up and it cuts to black.

Emily:
That's horrifying.

Dan:
Yeah, he deserves to come back as a nice young Jedi spirit who can look fondly on his son.

Emily:
Because I was gonna say, I don't know if it was just the bad graphics for the good graphics, but he was handsome because I was trying to look for his character. 'Cause I was like "Who is this?!"

Dan:
Yeah. I don't mind the guy that played Anakin. He gets a lot of crap. I don't think it's his fault the way the prequels turned out. Like George Lucas really biffed it, but eventually maybe we'll cover that on the podcast. It's not going to be anytime soon because we're not a Star Wars podcast. We've just done this small trilogy because Emily hadn't seen the original trilogy. So it made sense to do all these movies.

Emily:
Yeah. Oh, I'm really disappointed that the yub nub wasn't in there.

Dan:
Yeah. See, for anybody who hasn't seen the original movies, the ewoks sing a nice little celebration song. It's basically just them singing the words "yub nub". It think it's like "yub nub ewa yub nub". And for years I have just been at random points in time saying yub nub motherfuckers. And like I just now realized that some younger people have no idea what yub nub is. They're just like Dan's losing it.

Emily:
I 100 percent did not understand because he never even explained. He's never told me what it was from.

Dan:
I assumed like anybody who had at least seen Return of the Jedi would know what it was but obviously that's not right.

Emily:
I mean, if you see a Return of the Jedi, that's you know, now it's not there.

Dan:
It's not even in there. It's weird. Like even if you were going to add the other additional shots. I don't know why they removed the song.

Emily:
Yeah.

Dan:
Yeah. That's just a strange change.

Emily:
But like I said, not my favorite. It wasn't terrible, but I think if I had to rank them, it would be 2, 1 and 3.

Dan:
Yeah, that would be the way I would go. So we finally finished talking about the original Star Wars trilogy. We're having a special Star Wars edition of Shut Up and Take My Money.

Emily:
Yay!

Dan:
I going to call it Shut Up and Take My Credits. For anybody who hasn't listened. This is just a segment we do every once in a while. Not sponsored. We're not getting a kickback or anything from any products we're featuring. But it's just cool stuff we found that we're like, hey, that would be cool to own or it's just a neat idea for a product and we just tell you about it. So you want to go first?

Emily:
Yeah. So my first one is a replica Star Wars Sith Holocron. And it's basically just a light up cube? Not cube.

Dan:
Kind of like a pyramid.

Emily:
But it's really cool because you can buy it in any color that you want. I think it's really cool. I would buy it.

Dan:
They're really cool I think they contain information. It's more of a prequel and like spinoff series type thing.

Emily:
Looking at it, it's got some like really cool designs on like the plastic.

Dan:
They can be really ornate. I've seen metal ones like on Etsy. My first one. This one I googled wondering if it was a thing. Hoping it wasn't. But like it's so insane. Hopefully somebody has made it-- a wookiee pelt rug. I don't think it's available anymore. But somebody was selling a rug that looks like someone just skinned Chewbacca.

Emily:
Belt and all.

Dan:
Yes, belt and all. It's horrifying and terrible but that's my sense of humour.

Emily:
Just have it hanging on your wall.

Dan:
Yeah, I would love to have like a mounted ewok on the wall. Just the head. Maybe some antlers stuck on for no reason. What's your next one?

Emily:
A hand-crank wooden music box set plays the Star Wars theme.

Dan:
That's cool.

Emily:
And one of them... you can get it in two colors and one of them is black wood. Like it's stained black and say's may the force be with you, and the other one is unfinished. Well, it's probably like, you know, clear coated and it's got Darth Vader's head on the when you open it up, it's his face carved into it.

Dan:
That's cool.

Emily:
It's only like 20 bucks.

Dan:
That's not bad.

Emily:
No.

Dan:
My next one, keeping with the Futurama origins of our show is a Zoidberg frozen in Carbonite.

Emily:
Honestly, I wish somebody would have frozen him in Carbonite just because I couldn't stand him in the show.

Dan:
There's an entire line of Futurama characters frozen in Carbonite, but I chose that one.

Emily:
I love it. I feel like you need to own it.

Dan:
The Carbonite prop in this movie. Such a cool prop. There's just something about Han Solo in Carbonite. The anguish on that face and the lights. Yeah, it's cool.

Emily:
So my next two is actually a double parter because they're both coffee mugs. One of them is the storm pooper. It's just the storm trooper taken a dumper.

Dan:
Hopefully he has better aim than they do in shooting.

Emily:
And then the other one is a light saber mug that they all light up when the mug gets hot.

Dan:
That's cool.

Emily:
But I really want that storm pooper.

Dan:
My last one is. I have wanted this for years. It's probably been 10 years since I first saw it. It is a high quality office desk that is Han Solo frozen in Carbonite. So just imagine instead of it standing, its laid on its back with a sheet of glass over it and some cool glowing side walls holding up. It's really well done.

Emily:
It is.

Dan:
And really cool. I dont think you can get it anymore. I want to say it was ten thousand dollars.

Emily:
Holy shit.

Dan:
Yeah, it was insanely priced, but if you look at anything we're talking about. Look at this one because.

Emily:
Yes, it's so cool.

Dan:
You see why it's ten thousand dollars. It just looks so cool.

Emily:
That is really awesome.

Dan:
So one of my favorite things when we do Shut Up and Take My Money is after we talk about the products we've actually found. I tried to pitch Emily my own ideas for products and see if she bites on them and says shut up and take my money or if it's just a hard no. No, that's a bad idea. You ready?

Emily:
Yes.

Dan:
This one. I don't think there's anything like I'm imagining a toy kit. There's a smartphone app involved and like a miniature green screen background and articulated toys so you can do your own stop motion videos like the Imperial Walkers in the snow or some of the little like tauntauns that they're riding on in the snow in Empire Strikes Back. Or just any of those cool stop-motion effects. And then maybe in the app you could also add like laser fire and stuff. So it just teaches kids how to do old school effects. But it's also got that green screen component. So it's teaching them a little bit about like new special effects and like you can get add on toys and maybe a QR code with each toy that unlocks a new background you can use.

Emily:
I think I'll take a bite on this one.

Dan:
Cool.

Emily:
Shut up and take my money.

Dan:
I tried to come up with things that would be fun for kids and I would've loved as a kid. Also could teach people stuff.

Emily:
That's not the fun part of it, though.

Dan:
I don't know. I like help learning stuff. It can be fun.

Emily:
No. No. Not learning. Learning is fun. I like learning, but like it's not Dan fashion to not just bring something stupid to the table. Go on.

Dan:
So another one. They kind of make this already, but not like I'm envisioning a DIY light saber kit for kids in which they have toys out there where you come up with your own design for a light saber and make it turn on and you get your toy light saber. This would be like a science kit where you use chemistry and you learn a little chemistry to make your own crystal for the inside light saber. You learn basic wiring for kids and then you can also learn about like properties of light with like lenses and stuff to be like a STEM type learning tool. But like you also end up with a really cool lightsaber and you can like pretend like you were a jedi and you made your own lightsaber.

Emily:
Dammit, Dan, I'm still biting.

Dan:
I would love this as a kid.

Emily:
I would love this now.

Dan:
Okay. My last one I got product name for.

Emily:
Oh?

Dan:
It's called Baby's First Abomination.

Emily:
(laughs)

Dan:
It's another science based toy. And what you do is you take stem cells from your baby's umbilical cord. And there's like a little gene editing kit. And you combine the baby's genetic material with like the genetic material of like some kind of pygmy bear. And then you send that genetic material off to the lab. After it gestates, they send the final product to you. And you have a little kind of ewok with your baby's face and it gets to grow up with your baby. They can keep it company in the crib.

Emily:
Hell fucking no.

Dan:
Hell fucking no.How creepy would that be?

Emily:
That's more nightmare fuel than Darth Vader's real face.

Dan:
No. See, I was trying to lull into thinking, oh, he's actually got these ideas for products.

Emily:
Surprisingly, you had two.

Dan:
How cool would that be if you could have like your own pet ewok.

Emily:
No, it's not cool.

Dan:
And then you could kind of make it look like you.

Emily:
No.

Dan:
How weird would that be?

Emily:
Terrifying. What? What would you do with it when it got older. Hard fucking pass.

Dan:
Can you imagine if that was a thing, though. Like take that Star Wars component out of it. If you could just get like genetically engineered pets that had your face.

Emily:
No.

Dan:
Even just your eyes.

Emily:
No. That's scary.

Dan:
That would be so creepy. Are you ready move on to our final segment, Urban Dictionary with Emily.

Emily:
Yes. Get out of this nightmare fuel.

Dan:
I'm still thinking about my...

Emily:
No.

Dan:
...baby ewok.

Emily:
No. Moving on.

Dan:
It's cuter if you put in the crib with the baby.

Emily:
Moving on. No, no.

Dan:
I'm gonna text you later tonight and try to make sure that's the last thing you think of before you go to bed.

Emily:
Fuck you. (laughs) Urban Dictionary.

Dan:
Okay.

Emily:
Battle wank. When a man goes out drinking and becomes aroused but cannot convince a woman to pleasure him. He goes home to masturbate and finds out his penis is flaccid. He then battles his dick until it hits just hard enough to cum.

Dan:
Battles? I'm not sure on the logistics of that. I mean, I have decades of experience owning one. I'm not sure that's how that works. I might have to go home and read my owner's manual. I don't remember that being one of the features.

Emily:
You have an owner's manual?

Dan:
Why wouldn't I have an owner's manual? You got to have your warranty information somewhere.

Emily:
What are you? (laughs) I literally broke myself.

Dan:
That's gonna be all for this episode.

Emily:
Dan's gotta go read his owner's manual.

Dan:
How great would it be if I wrote and published an owner's manual on the website?

Emily:
I wouldn't put it past you.

Dan:
Parts listing.

Emily:
(laughs)

Dan:
O-ring sizes.

Emily:
(laughs)

Dan:
There's going to be all for this episode. Thank you guys for listening. Please give us a star rating and review in whatever app or platform you're listening to our podcast in. We always appreciate it.

Emily:
Yeah. And you guys know you can find us on Facebook at My Kajiggers Podcast and MyKajiggers.com. We told you guys earlier, send us pictures of your animals and clothes or if you have a chicken in a tutu. Whatever floats your boat.

Dan:
Okay, guys, we'll catch you next episode.

Emily:
Oh, side note. We're gonna have a surprise the next time that we are recording. So just stay tuned and come back for our next episode because I'm really excited and I hope you guys will be too.

Dan:
Yeah, it will be exciting. Bye, Felicia.

Emily:
Bye, Felicia.